Still struggling

I’m so sorry you feel like this. I think the flip side of love is grief - you feel so miserable because you loved him. I absolutely know how you feel though - I miss my own husband desperately. 

I’ve read - and it makes sense to me - that you don’t get over something so devastating, you just adjust to accommodate that pain. 

Also, someone I know whose wife died, said something that really struck a chord with me: “when you watch someone you love so much fighting for life, you make sure you don’t waste it”.  My inclination is to hide away, but this did make me think. It’s not easy, of course. Could you get access to counselling? This is one of the hardest things anyone has to face - take all the help you can get, and ask for help if you need to. 

Hope this helps a bit, given that nothing really can help, faced with such grief and pain.

ohSad0000 we all know exactly how you feel.  i’ve been crying most of the day too (it’s 12 weeks today since Rob went). 

How can you get over losing the person you were going to get old with, share your hopes, dreams and experiences with? The person you probably loved most in the world? 

I know what you mean about pretending in front of the children, i do the same and when my daughter face times me I try to not jet her see my eyes with the tell tale tears. 

i understand what you said about telling them it was ok to go, I did the same when Rob was unconscious as apparently the last shut down is hearing, I didn’t want him to have any more pain but like you it was not OK and should I have told him that? 

when we were told that Rob had weeks to live, he got out of bed came over to me and told me that I needed to be happy and make sure I met somebody that would love me like he did.  I can’t imagine that happening.  At the moment I still can’t see memories before he was ill.  I only see memories of him when he got ill till when he left me.  

Somebody on the forum said they prefer the saying moving forward than moving on and I also prefer that.  We will never get over our loved one but we will move forward but our lives will not be the same again.

Massive hug to you

Glenis

x

Hi Glenis, Thankyou for your reply I know I am not the only person going through this but it feel like it when you cannot control the tears and only the people on here seem to understand this.

I hope and pray it does get better for all of us going through this and we  can move forward as like you say moving on in not a option at the moment just getting through each day is a struggle.

Love Carol xx

Thankyou for  taking the time to reply, I do think what you said about watching them fighting to live makes you think that you should not  waste your life but its so hard when I would swop places with him if I could.

I do think I might need to speak to my GP but dont want to be put on antidepressants but if things continue I might have to give in.

Carol x

hi did you have any dealings with a hospice or McMillan? I have counselling via them and it is sometimes easier to let it all out to somebody who will listen, not judge or say insensitive things.

Glenis

HI, we had the McMillan  hospice involved but didn't want him in the hospice and kept David at home and looked after him myself. Maybe I should give them a ring see if can get some  counselling. 

Thankyou

Carol

if they were involved then yes you can apply for counselling (rob wasn’t in the hospice but they helped us for the last 3 weeks of his life him as he was at home being cared for by myself and my daughter).

you can refer yourself for counselling.