Ashes are ready - but am I

I found scattering my husband's ashes in one of his favourite places was very healing and peaceful. I held back half of them, as they will be scattered with my ashes when I die. I also bought a pendant in which I was able to place some of his ashes so that I have that next to my y heart. I hope you will find it healing as well. Sending gentle hugs...

Martha

hi, i have left Robs at the funeral directors until I’m ready.  Once I have bought a place in Spain I’m going to take him there (we had planned to move to Spain).  whether I scatter them or not is a decision I still haven’t made or as Martha says keep them to be scattered with mine whenever. 

I also want a pendant made from some ashes and my daughter wants a ring, planning at some time to go and visit the workshop to see designs.

With my mum and one of my brothers we had their ashes interred in a family plot, I found it Ok as my mums parents also interred there would look out for them in the afterlife. We had immediate family at the interments and I made a joke to my brother when we interred my mums that as there was only room for 1 more it was me or him. Sadly he died a few years later of cancer. 

You don’t have to make a decision yet, do how you feel best and when you are ready. 

Hello Jillian

I would agree with Chelseabluegirl, collect the ashes when you are ready. The funeral directors will accept your decision, I’m sure. 
My experience was that I went along to collect Chris’ ashes on my own just a couple of weeks after the funeral but when I broke down in tears talking to the lovely funeral director, he gently pointed out that I didn’t have to take them if I wasn’t ready. I was so relieved, I could have hugged him. I did go back a few weeks later, with my eldest son to bring Chris home for Christmas. I had both our boys and my daughter in law  with me and it felt right at that point. 
As for scattering them- I’m still undecided about a where. And to be perfectly honest, I get more comfort than I ever expected from having him at home with me. I trust that there will come a point where I know the right place and the right time for the next step. But for now he’s staying with me.

I think what I’ve learnt is to do what feels right for me and that all these things we need to deal with- well the right moment will come at some point.

Take care, sending hugs and strength

Jane

x

Hello all

When the funeral director rang me to say Gordon’s ashes were ready I was still in my pjs and sobbing but I raced over there with the dog in the car and collected  them still wearing pjs and slippers but oh the joy I felt to bring him home. We had agreed that at some point our ashes plus our dogs would be scattered together and other than that we’d not decided anything. I placed them on his side of the bed and there they still are. I fall asleep every night with my finger tips touching him and for me that works. Like Jane it comforts me so very much so there they will stay but who knows what will happen in the future. 

June xx

Hiya

My husband passed away 26 September with prostate cancer. We had his funeral on 21 October. Because my son lives in America, we decided to have my husbands ashes scattered the next day, before he went back. I was so upset, looking back it was too early, but circumstances dictated that as a family we did this together. I think it is up to the individual to decide what is best for them. I do have somewhere to go to be close to him, but I am still struggling with it all.

Liz

Collecting my husband's ashes had far more of an impact on me than I expected... I walked into the house with them in my arms and sobbed so much, it was like the key that unlocked my bottled up grief.

Before I collected the ashes I took a tube container that I had bought to the funeral directors. They filled and sealed the tube, I had chosen one with a lovely ocean scene. I has also requested the directors to place some of the ashes into a plastic bag. 

This meant that when I needed to send some of the ashes to the jewellers I never needed to open the large sealed pot. I had a ring, necklace and glass ornament made with of the ashes which means He is with me always..

I scattered a small amount of the ashes into the sea, I have some in a small tin that I can hold easily and the large pot of ashes remains down beside my bed. I had planned on scattering them but I still feel I want to keep him here safe with me until we can be scattered together ♡

Hiya

I totally agree. Alfred’s ashes were taken to another crematorium where his dad’s ashes were. I did not want him to be on his own. I thought he could have company with his dad. I bought a scatter tube, like yours I think. Pictures of the sea. We then scattered them. I think it hit me then, that this was it. I did visit him several times in the chapel of rest, but no more. It was so upsetting, to see his ashes blowing in the wind. No more suffering, at peace now. I do have somewhere to visit, which is comforting. 

I didn’t know there was such a thing as a scatter tube. I’ve ordered a large one and a  small keepsake (as I do t think I can part with them all) and I’m going to ask the undertaker to put them in for me. 
Thank you all for sharing your experience x x

I first knew about scatter tubes for my parents ashes when we bought them off the funeral directors. For my husband's ashes I purchased a large one off Amazon.. identical but a lot cheaper and more choice of picture.

I ordered mine from Etsy. Same price as Amazon but I couldn’t get a small matching one from Amazon. 
Had a really good cry after I ordered it (god knows what my neighbour must’ve thought if he was in ) but it was what I needed.