Hard with no family nearby

Hi Trixieone,

So sorry to hear about about the loneliness which we all feel on this forum.   
Is there a Maggies centre nearby?  They really helped me when my wife passed away.

Take care.  
Peter x

Hi Trixieone I am so sorry for your loss I can only try to imagine how difficult it must be.  I don't know if my suggestions will help but what I would try if I were you is

- looking for local bereavement support groups where you can physically be with others who have lost a loved one

- taking up a hobby which can be a walking group, exercise group, book club anything you think you might enjoy that gets you out and about.

- quite often volunteering to help others young or old is a very rewarding way to keep busy and feel a sense of purpose and be distracted from your own worries and cares.

Not sure if any of the above is helpful but I really hope that you find something that does help.  20 weeks isn't long so I imagine it's all still a bit of a shock and very raw.

You can always call MacMillan if you need more advice or just someone to talk to.

Sending big hugs x

hi Julie, I know there are many of us in the same boat.  I’m lucky I have my daughter not to far away but my good friends are at least an hour away and I don’t have any family near (my husbands immediate family have not contacted me since the funeral in September).

I’m volunteering a couple of days a week which I find rewarding and gets me out of the house.  I also joined the local WI this week (although most women were around 15 years older than me). But I met a nice lady of a similar age to me that I am meeting for coffee this week. I am hearing about other groups in the surrounding villages here and hopefully I will be able to meet other new people. 

Have you thought about getting a part time job?  with Christmas coming up most shops are looking for staff? 

Lots of old friends have asked me to stay with them but they live such a long way away, Wales, Devon and Liverpool (I live on the Essex/Suffolk border)  and my driving isn’t great and at the moment I don’t want to go that far.

All I can say is I hope you find something that makes you happy and fill your time.

Glenis 

Hi Trixieone

My husband and I also moved to Devon, 2 and a half years ago. He was a golfer, a member at Teignmouth but with the lockdowns and his health we tended to do things together, so haven’t made friends. Our daughter and granddaughter live with us but its important they get with their lives.

Mart only passed on the 15th October, so it’s all very raw.

Where are you located in Devon?

Linda x

Hello Linda

I’m so sorry about your husband and my heart goes out to you as I can understand how you must be feeling. It’s such early days for you that all I can say is just take each minute/hour/day as it comes and don’t expect too much of yourself. 

The  consistent theme on this site is that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. It’s been over 21 weeks since Ian passed away and I’ve just started counselling as it felt right for me.

If you would like to private message me that will be lovely. I live near Tavistock, but if you felt you wanted to meet up in the future I’m quite happy to drive to Exeter etc.

Look after yourself,

Julie x

Hi Julie, I did try to message you but when I typed in Trixieone, it said cannot message. Maybe I need to ask you to be a friend first. 

I don’t live far from Newton Abbot, and I think when I’ve had a bit more time we should definitely meet up. I’m usually confident but I felt quite vulnerable and anxious when I’ve just drove into Newton Abbot before the funeral, I haven’t been out on my own in the car since. It’s strange for me to feel vulnerable, never happened before. 

Teignmouth, Totnes and Torquay are the places we used to go for coffee but I haven’t been since, I think it’ll take me some time. 

But, I’m not far away, I hope it helps you know there’s someone who understands within reach.

Sending hugs x

I’ve sent you a friendship request. X

I’ve just accepted x

Hey Julie,

Oh I understand so well how you are feeling. As you may have gathered from my other posts, I am German but have been living and working in Ireland since June of 2010. I came to Ireland because Paul and I decided that we had enough of our distant relationship and would spend the rest of our lives together. Paul died in May of 2018. In the 8 years together in Ireland, Paul and I didn't make many friends. We were enough for ourselves, in fact, sometimes the thought of meeting others was really unpleasant because it felt like they were taking our precious time away. When Paul died, I had only one close friend - a lady Paul had known all his life, something like his niece, but too complicated to explain here - and one other friend who had once been my client. I felt like you: so lonely, so alone, so unwilling and unable to bear the hours of loneliness but also unable to meet up with my two friends all the time because they too had their own lives. I eventually joined a walking group with www.meetup.com and I also decided to go to more work networking events to meet more people. I have 4 friends here in Ireland today. They all have their own lives of course and I don't see as much of them as I would like. I have a very good friend in Germany and we spent a couple of hours on the phone twice a week. My parents are in Germany and we too spend a lot of time on the phone. To me this small social network is really not enough and I struggle with it, sometimes more sometimes less, but I do struggle with it. I also feel it would be so much nicer to be living closer to my family, especially now as my dad isn't well, but it would mean giving up my life here which, after all those years, would feel very hard. Isn't all this so difficult?

Mind yourself, lots of love X