Guilt.

Hi 

I’m so sorry that despite the amazing job you clearly did you are racked with guilt about the one day you did something different. Fortunately for me I was able to go out for short  breaks while my hubby was ill, as he insisted I still go and see our grandchildren and his sister would come so it’d give them a chance to chat about the old days) At first I did feel guilty about leaving him but then it made me realIse that by doing that it meant that I could care for him better the rest of the time. I’m sure you just needed that one day too and you weren’t far away. Try to focus on the number of days that you did everything for your wife. I’m sure if she could she would tell you that it was just her illness talking that day and that you mustn’t worry about it anymore. 
Hugs Jillian 

Hi, yes, that’s one of my many guilty feelings. My husband passed on the 15th Oct, his service was 2 days ago.

Mart would regularly wake up at 4 am, want tea at 5am, lights on, tv on, I really struggled to get enough rest. We both got chest infections, high temperature, for him after sepsis it probably was the final straw. I remember him patting the bed, asking me to sit with him, I had a temp of 38.5, exploding coughing, thumping head, I said I’ll just have some paracetamol and be back. Why didn’t I just sit with him. This wasn’t an isolated incident. 

We are just normal people, doing our best for the people we love. I know my husband didn’t always speak to me as he should but it wasn’t him talking, it was the cancer. 

You did your best, and that’s all anyone can do. I know I found it physically and emotionally hard caring for my husband, I couldn’t do everything he needed and sit 24/7 with him. Maybe try to think of everything you did for her and know she wouldn’t want you to feel bad. My husband Mart and I were together for nearly 48 years,  right now, he’d be nodding his head at me and telling me to forget the bad stuff, just remember the good. 

My guilt is my husband only went into Douglas Macmillan to sort his pain relief with a driver because he was in agony I promised him he wouldn't be staying there long but he never came home, I still don't feel him around me so I think he's angry with me

I’m sure you did all you could and if you could’ve got his pain under control and got him home you would’ve done. Better for him to have been at Macmillan and be pain free than be at home suffering. I think maybe he’s just giving you a bit of space - I haven’t felt my hubby around me either and I like to think he’s just biding his time, letting me grieve and get my head round losing him first x x

Hi all, sorry just replied but on wrong conversation how I dont know if obviously an age thing ,but like I said I could write a book on things I wish I'd done differently, for five weeks Lynne was in hospital in manchester and I travelled every day from Sheffield and when it got to 8 o clock I would get ready to go she would look at clock and I knew she wanted me to stay but I couldn't I had to get back rest so I could come the next morning and also see to the cat ,I can still see her now looking at the clock and it breaks my heart, I kept telling her I was getting the house ready for her and she was coming home every day but she only came home to Sheffield to a hospice for the last week, she absolutely loved our house and everything in it is because of Lynne and I still can't believe I never brought her home to see it ,if I wasn't so much in denial, but to be honest I really believed Lynne would be coming home i think could i have done more ,spent more time held her more kissed her more ,probably not ,but it doesn't stop me feeling guilty about everything, we just have to try to think of the incredible love we shared as heartbreaking as it is that we are now apart  best wishes to everyone  Terry 

I felt so bad I considered having his coffin overnight before the funeral just to put my guilt at peace, but the children didn't want sad memories of our happy family home we have six children and eleven grandchildren just want to remember happy times here,off to betly bonfire soon only going please the kids, first event as a widow.

Aww bless you. I hope you manage to have a little fun this evening. 
That word keeps going round in my head - widow

Hi Terry how have you managed to get passed these feelings? I honestly thougth dad would be coming home and I can’t forgive myself for not staying with him the night / early morning that he passed. I was with him when he took his last breath and everyone says he waited for me and he would have known I was there. But how do I know that for sure??? I feel so guilty 

Hi Charlie 99 I still have really bad days and go over things in my mind which I have regrets about, it will be a year next month since Lynne passed away and when those feelings come I let it all out I cry my eyes out and I do feel a little better after for doing it, when I have thoughts of of regret, what I said or did or didn't I tell myself I am not perfect, nobody is that's how life is, we live in the moment, we are human if we were perfect we wouldn't be human ,every chance I get I chat with my daughter about the great times we had ,and we did have a good life despite the hiccups, when  I recall a happy memory it gives me a lift ,my life is completely different now and not what I wanted or like, but taking each day as it comes and hoping tomorrow will be a little better, I'll always love Lynne and maybe I'll see her again I hope so but for now I'll just keep doing my best living as best I can each day as it comes                best wishes terry 

This was the same in my situation too, my H only was supposed to go for pain relief to the hospice which he didn't want to but eventually he agreed,  he never came out. I feel guilty every day about this and broken that he never got to come home. I just didn't expect that. I also feel mislead by the medics who said it would be a short stay. Surely they must have known??? Does the guilt ease any over time?