The dreaded word Christmas

Thanks and good morning,

What do I do for work? I am a play therapist,  so children's counsellor. I am just doing one day face to face with children in a primary school. But do had-ock fostering panel work and supervision for trainees. So amounts to about 2 days a week.

Up until Rob was ill I worked full time.

Really just want my old life back, before his was ill, believe I would never complain about little things again.

Love Donna

Ric died on 28/12 two years ago this year. Our wedding anniversary would be 23/12. 

I hate Christmas and have for years! Loved it when my children were small but over the years Ric made it just another excuse to get drunk! 

Last Christmas was just me and my two children, we went and choose our fresh Christmas tree and decorated it together. We opened pressies together and had our lunch and Christmas day quietly. I insisted on that! This Christmas will be the same. 

Not because I am grieving but because that is how I want it. I have moved forward and have a male companion again. We will both spend Christmas day with our own children. 

Life does go on. But that doesn't mean you forget. It just means that you live again. Do what you want and feel right with.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Thanks Felicity,

We too did Skype meeting with family last Christmas, and the last that people saw Rob as he died 19th Jan.

I like your idea of M and S meals for one, yes I will buy some treats and get through the day the best I can, I will be on my own. Just me and my life saver dog Dobby. He is what I get out of bed on a morning for.

Love Donna x

Thanks Alison,

Yes life does go on and we have to make a life the best we can, not always the life we want or planned for.

I am pleased for you, you sound at peace with what you have. I keep saying I need to make peace with myself, the dicisions I am making, the guilt I still feel. Still early days 

Take care 

Donna

Hello Donna.

What you've said in previous messages sounds like me talking. 

I thought M&S would be a good option as their food always looks lovely.  Nic and I, and his parents when they were with us, used to have bucks fizz early on (9am!!) then presents, the big dinner and silly games.  This year it looks like bucks fizz, dinner, then wine.  A good friend has offered to plate up dinner for me, but I want to do it my way this year. 

I too have a life saving dog, Rocky, who has been the only reason I have got out of bed every single day since Nic died. I do not know where I would be today if he wasn't here apart from lying in a stinking bed all day unable to do anything.

Take care.

Felicity x

Hi Donna,

my thoughts have turned to Xmas too. It was never a time of year that I particularly enjoyed but with Craig we had worked out how to make the most of the day together when we were in the UK but often went abroad to escape the hype. Agree with you none of it will feel right as the only person I felt comfortable with on this day was Craig and now he is not here, no children between us might just head out walking to avoid everyone & the day.

sending hugs

tracey

Hi Donna and all.

I totally agree with you, NOTHING feels right about Christmas and I don’t think it will ever feel right again to be honest. Like you and Rob, me and Marie were never massive Christmas fans either!

I know theres a good reason for feeling “Bah humbug” but I personally would just like to forget the whole festive season as I don’t feel like celebrating it at all.

One of the few things we did like to do, was to watch a lovely Christmas film on Christmas Eve, something like “The Holiday” or “The Family Stone” have a few drinks get merry and shed a few tears whilst watching the film, this of course won’t be happening this year as I would be in tears from start to finish and especially “The Family Stone” which is a film about a family who love Christmas and always come together for the festive period but sadly the matriarch of the family passes from cancer and it shows them getting together the first Christmas after her passing. It’s a lovely film but sadly I won’t be watching it and don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch it again.

I have two grown up children and I know I’ll have to make an effort for them as Marie would kick me up the backside if I didn’t make an effort, but I am simply dreading it as I know the whole experience will be a very difficult time for us all. It will be my first Christmas without her too as she passed on Valentine’s Day, each day is so difficult without her and I know Christmas will be one of the most sad times of all.

I hope we all just get through it the best we can, and if any of us feel an overwhelming sadness at any point then I think we should just let our emotions out and sob our hearts out as we’re entitled to feel this way. I do hope we all find peace one day and that would be the best Christmas present I could wish for.

Love and big hugs to you all reading this message, Ian xx

I treat last Christmas day as the 25th of any other month.  It was my first without Colin in 21 years and waking up on my own was a shit to say the least but I  couldn't change that I went to Colins youngest son's in laws for dinner but I was very aware of the time and had to go to the cemetery as soon as I could. This year might be the same as I'm invited again. When I came home I had to tell myself 'it's Friday- have some more wine' and watch tv on my own again  We had no children of our own so I spend a lot of my time by myself, the lads have their own lives to live and it's normal for them to lean to their partners families - as boys do