Is grief the hidden emotion?

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Since losing my wife Anne to pancreatic cancer in 2019 I don't believe anyone has ever truly understood the hurt, depression and loneliness this had on me - and is still present to this day. Anne and I were married for 50yrs. A long time. Half a century! But I do understand time isn't necessarily the criteria here. To lose a loved one after any length of time is devastating. I'm just saying about my circumstances.

I did try in the early days to express my feelings of grief to others but clearly nobody knew how to respond other than the usual platitudes. So I gave up. Even our two grown up children didn't know how to respond to my tears. So again I gave up. Offspring it seems grieve in a different way to a parent who's lost their life long partner - in many cases known long before they were even born. In public I display the ' old Geoff ' that everybody knows. The happy positive and sometimes joking man because that comes naturally to me. But left on my own in a soulless house I'm totally different. Totally opposite. But nobody will ever see or know of this because I'm basically on my own.

So I wonder if you good people have experienced something similar?

Tivvy over 3 years ago

Yes. Losing my parents quite early on was no preparation for this. The grief for the loss of a parent is very different. My family do not understand it. Most people do not understand it. That said I have one very, very perceptive friend who does understand and is perceptive beyond her years.

it is that sense of being only one half of something, which you can only understand if you have had a close “symbiotic” relationship. I suppose I should be grateful I got to find a partner like that.

The only way to blot out the loss is to be as busy as possible. I enjoy the company of others very much. I wish I had more of the same. But alone and at home the feeling overtakes me. Except for the one friend, who although happily married now, has had severe ups and downs in her life. I can say anything to her. But she is really unusual.

Viv

Wildcat over 3 years ago

Gosh yes this is so familiar to me. I have to put on the coping alright face when I see my Dad.

I doubt the hurt and emptiness will ever go

Take care friend

Look to the moon.

Can't imagine any future without my soulmate

Jayne 64 over 3 years ago in reply to Wildcat

Geoff I'm with you on this your so right iv lost my husband last week, losing a partner is unique hurts like hell wracked my brains out thinking who can fix this for me but there is nothing and no one.

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Is grief the hidden emotion?