Not feeling great

Oh Mel, I think you’ve been so brave to move back to Ireland and can only imagine how emotional it must have been. 
With regard to Paul’s clothes- have you thought about having a cushion made out of one of his favourite jumpers? As I’ve mentioned on at least one other post (sorry) I’m going to have a Memory Bear made out of some of Chris’ favourite clothes (I collect bears, so it seems appropriate for me) but the person who makes the bears also does cushions or blankets. It’s just a thought.

I hope that you start to find some comfort in your move home. You are so support and helpful to all of us on this group. 
Take care, stay safe

Sending hugs

Jane

xx

Hi Mel,

I can’t imagine the feelings you must be experiencing at the moment, and I truly think you’re being so brave to be returning back to Dublin and having to deal with all of the practicalities again your emotions must be all over the place.

It’s totally understandable that you’re feeling anxious about being by yourself once your uncle returns home, but I know what type of person you are Mel, which is a resilient lady and an independent one and you’ll just take everything in your stride and get on with life as this is what you and Paul would want.

I wish you all the best in your new adventure and god bless you.

Love Ian x

PS my apologies but I wont be able to make tomorrow nights Zoom call as I got a call out of the blue this week to say that my best friend from old will be visiting me tomorrow and I’m going out with him and his wife and son for some eats and a few drinks.

Hi Mel,

fingers crossed the basket ball stops and thanks for the zoom call I find it healing, sharing and listening to you all chat.  I did decorate my living room a few months after Jerry died, we had changed it round a bit to accommodate the hospital bed he never used and I found replacing the sofas to how they were just emphasised he wasnt there. I still have his records and cds they are just in a different place I find that easier to deal with. 
x

Yes it was a lovely Zoom meeting. I can only encourage those of you who feel this may be for them too but who haven't felt sure about whether to join or not to try it. The Zoom meetings are wonderful and those of us who take part in them feel great help and support in them.

My uncle left yesterday morning. The goodbye was, like all goodbyes, a little sad. But then, once he had gone and the quietness of the house enveloped me, I started to cry and didn't stop for what must have been an hour. During that time I realised that I was not crying because I miss my parents or my uncle, and I wasn't crying because I was afraid of what could happen to me now that I was "all on my own". The reason why I was crying was because I simply don't know about the future: how my business is going to go, how I am going to fill my time on a daily basis, how I am going to get out enough, how I am going to join new groups like walking groups or something like that, and then this feeling of having to spend so much time on my own because I only have three close friends here and they have busy lives too all of them so I will sometimes have to go for days without seeing anybody familiar. The thoughts were so horrible that, at 12PM, I decided to get out of the house for a bit. I went down to a print and design shop where I want to get some flyers and business cards printed that I can distribute all over town to announce the reopening of my services. I had a nice chat with the guy in the shop. Then I thought okay, why not go into the florist right beside it and ask for two peace lilies. I did that and got two beautiful ones. By the time I got home again I felt a lot better, just calmer and more positive. I spent the afternoon doing work with my PA and an IT guy who had to fix something at my computer. Then it was time for our lovely Zoom meeting. And the rest of the evening I was on the phone to one of my friends who is currently going through a very difficult time. Thankfully I had a good night's sleep. When I got up this morning the dark and negative thoughts wanted to come back in but I just said to myself: I am going to have a really good day and night today. I am feeling okay now, but still not entirely stable if you know what I mean. I just want to be busy. And I want to find lots more clients to keep me busy.

Lots of love and thanks to all those who have responded in this thread so far. It is really a help to have your encouraging words.

Mel

,

Hi Jane,

Thank you so much for your message.

No I haven't thought about a memory cushion. I have just kept two jumpers and a couple of shirts in the wardrobe. I don't think I would get comfort from the memory cushions somehow.

Love Mel X

Hi Ian,

Thank you so much for your message. I hope you had a good time with your friend and enjoyed yourself.

Yes I suppose it was brave to move back here where I have to practically start from scratch where my business is concerned and also get used to living in my own home and this environment again which seems strange and a little overwhelming after 18 months. Honestly, I have no idea what the next couple of weeks are going to be like, but something will happen, it always does.

Lots of love

Mel

Hi Mel, 

As I’ve said before; you truly are a special lady and you will cope no matter what life throws at you as you are a survivor and an empathetic and special human being with a beautiful heart and thats why you’ll get through these challenging times.

You’re understandably apprehensive of your move back to Ireland but give it a few months and you’ll have met more new friends and your business will pick up and your life will be “up and running” once again.

I wish you the best of luck and god bless, Love Ian x

PS I really enjoyed my night with one of my best and oldest friends and his family last night, I’d never seen him for 4 years and he was there the night I met Marie nearly 40 years ago and we laughed and cried together during his visit and after he left I realised just how much I have missed him and his family especially since Maries illness and passing xx

Like you I really enjoy the Zoom meetings as the people on the calls “just get it” and we all share something very special that no one else does unless you’ve lost your best friend and soulmate.

Take care, Love Ian x

Do you have a contact for who makes the memory cushions etc. .

thanks

Hello Keith

A friend recommended one lady who did them but when I was at the funeral directors, they had an example of a memory bear made by someone very local to me so I intend to use her. When looking at her website, she also does cushions and blankets. 
I don’t think I'm allowed to put names up but perhaps if you Google memory bears or memory cushions you can find something local to you. If you really struggle, I’ll risk putting the details up of the two I know about! 
Jane

x

1. Thanks, I know it’s possible to send PMs but need to accept my friend request first