Scattering the ashes

Hi Trixieone,

Its been 23 weeks since my beloved wife passed away and I’ll have to carry out her wishes and scatter her ashes at her chosen place. But like you I’m not quite ready for it yet, and I know she won’t mind me hanging on to them just a little longer to help me to come to terms with my grief, as I need a little bit more time with her.

I know we will both comply with our loved ones wishes, but for now lets just take a little bit more time which is what I believe we both need to come to terms with our loss.

I often think, what if it was me that had passed away first and how would I have felt, and I really wouldn’t mind how long she would have kept them for as long as my wife was getting solace holding on to the ashes then I’d be ok with it.

I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x

Hello

its 40 weeks and one day since I lost Chris. I could never understand why people felt so strongly about ashes of their loved ones. I had no strong feelings about my mums- and we were very close. But I still have Chris’ ashes here and still feel reluctant to scatter them. Unfortunately he didn’t say where he wanted them to be scattered so I’ve had to think about that with our sons. But I just feel too final and a step too far for me still. I believe I’ll get there and be able to part with them but not yet.

Like Ian says, I’m sure we’ll all do what our loved ones wanted but in a time that is right for us. 

Take care, stay safe

Sending hugs

Jane

x

Hi

Due to covid restrictions, I couldn't scatter my husband's ashes as he wanted. I had to choose another date so it went from April until August. 

I also chose a different resting place which I think might well have been more to his liking but he had not thought of it. 

So I scattered him with some of his parents ashes ( the family had split them! I found that odd) alone at Bovington army camp. 

I felt so much happier when he was there and felt that I could move forward and onwards. I hated him not being put to rest and sat in a pot in the summer house. But we are all different

Love and hugs Alison xxx

No you aren't wrong. When it's the right time you'll know. I scattered the ashes on the first anniversary. 

Take care 

Hold on to ashes for as long as you want to... once scattered you cannot get them back!

 I had originally looked into a scattering at sea as my husband was in the royal navy.

But, I cannot let them go...

In the last few months I've lost my husband and moved miles away from our home.  Photos, memories and his ashes are the only comfort I can cling to. Now, the thought of leaving his ashes alone anywhere fills me with dread. I have some memorial jewellery and a glass ornament made with a small amount of ashes.

When I am gone my daughter can scatter my husband and me together... until then, they stay in my bedroom x

Hi Trixieone

I would wait until you are ready.  I lost my husband back in April and he didn’t want to discuss his wishes as he thought he had longer.  We don’t have a special place that I think would be right to scatter him and like you and I’m not ready,  Have you thought about having jewellery made ?  I’m having a ring made which will have some oh his ashes inside.  You will know when you are ready - be kind to yourself.

Sending hugs

Rachel xx

I had jewellery made and a glass ornament/paperweight.

* A word of warning on the jewellery...remove if you go in a hot tub/swimming. My silver memorial ashes ring bought about 8 month ago is currently back with the company that made it. It's being re-coated  as the hot tub chlorine has damaged it. My fault.. and I will take it off in future. I miss having it on my finger and keep panicking that I've lost it!

Hi Pooka - thanks for the advice.  I hope you get it back soon.  I wear my husbands wedding ring on a necklace and I constantly worry about losing it ! I’m also having a memorial pebble made to carry round with me xx

Just await until you feel it’s time, it’s nearly three years since Adele passed away and her ashes returned to me, I have had a beautiful wooden sunrise casket, but I did not feel ready until 3 weeks ago on her Birthday. I sure you will know when the time is right for you.

Thank you. I do not feel ready so will wait until  the time is right.

It’s strange, but immediately after the funeral I would have quite happily scattered Ian’s ashes. But now, I’m glad I didn’t.