I just want him back. How long does this desperate wanting go on?

Extra...I called out to my dearest husband, When are you coming back? When will you come home? in tears, clutching his empty biscuit box to my heart.. The pain, the grief. I just want someone to say that this is all right, this is normal. Just accept this. But it is so different from anything ever in my life before. The agony of the grief. Today.

Oh Happy5, I wish I knew the answer to this. I have moments where the pain is less but then I feel as if I’ve been hit by a brick and am back almost where I started again. And like you, I long to have Chris back. And yes, I still shed tears every day at some point- sometimes huge sobs and others just almost silent tears. 

So all I can say is that I understand and that I’m sending you hugs.

Jane

xx

Happy 5 I understand so well what you’re feeling and saying. I must have asked a million times for my beloved to just come home. I miss him. I am so very slowly changing and growing around the grief - I’m trying to live as he would want me to. Keep in touch and take care of you. 
June x

• I know how you feel it will be a year in August since i lost my husband and its normal to feel as you do,im the same i go from one day of coping ok to the next day in tears all the time, you just have to try and get thro it the best you can ,sending you hugs X

Dear Happy5

I wish  I could help you but as my husband only died four weeks ago, I’m still in a state of shock and disbelief.

However, reading replies to my posts , it seems that what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. I don’t know how I can face a future without Ian but maybe in time, I will. How much time, if ever, I will just have to wait and see….

You are among friends here and just remember, everyone is different and grief has no right or wrong.

Take care

Happy 5,

I can totally understand how you feel.. that need to have them home where they belong becomes so overwhelming it physically hurts.  

I took strict precautions when my husband was alive to make sure we never caught covid due to his illness and I still follow those rules. But during the last few month I have moved to live with my daughter and grandson. This week I caught covid from him!

I have felt so ill and physically awful but my most overwhelming need above all else was to have a giant-sized cuddle from my husband..

This last week I've  cried so much for him to come back, I told him I needed him, it's time for him to come home, it's been too long. I can't be strong anymore.. I look at his photos looking down over me and I'm so angry he's not here with me... Not angry ay him, but for him, and angry for myself. 

I'm 59 and could potentially have years ahead of me yet... but I would trade them all for another day of happiness with my husband ♡

Oh Pooka,

So sorry to hear that not only have you the loss of your husband to cope with but now that blooming Covid. I do hope you make a steady recovery. It’s yet another thing that brings home the truly awful situation we’ve found ourselves in.  I can totally understand how all you want is a cuddle from your husband. It has crossed my mind that I dread being unwell as I was always so well cared for by Chris when I was ill, not that it happen often, but ……

I hope that you are being cared for, take care

Sending hugs

Jane

x

Oh Happy5, I am so sorry and I want you to know that I understand! Sending love and hugs!

Oh I am so xorry you have caught this stupid virus! Wishing you a speedy recovery

I am copying here my reply to DavieBo on the  'No Joy Left' post. He has written two long replies, good to read...

Dear DaveyBo,  Thank you so much. But I cannot accept the line    'better that you should forget and smile /Than that you should remember and be sad'.       Better that I should remember and be sad, than that I should forget...and I can still smile, through my sadness. It is all so personal.    I walk down the road late at night in tears, and then I feel my beloved's arm around me, as he walks next to me, to hold and to comfort me.    We had 52 years of loving each other, at such a deep level. I know how very blessed I am, to have had this. But the loss is so great.   Than you for your kind words.  The poem which I read is by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. 'Break, Break, Break'...... Break, break, break,/ On thy cold gray stones, O Sea ! ' Do read the whole poem.....Happy5

Oh, this doesn't really make sense without his writing...never mind...

I thank you all for your support. It helps so much, the support you are all giving me.

I feel rather shaky today, after the extreme of yesterday. I can hear my cries, my words. I still ask...When will you come  home ? When will you come home? When will you come back? I want you to be here, please come home.....

Your replies do help. Even just to know there are others like oneself. No answer about how long this goes on, just acceptance that this is what is.  And the suddenness of it, a trigger, and whoosh, in such pain and grief.  And then time when one feels 'normal'....until the next time of deeper grief.... sorry, it's difficult, not my best time to write here...Love you all, Happy5.