My husband passed away 2 weeks ago unable to cope

Welcome Gentlewaves

I'm sorry you have had to join our group. 

Everything you are saying and feeling is normal, non of us know how to cope or want to without our other halves but we do. It's such early days for you and I'm glad you have reached out. 

Everyone's story is so individual but we all know how each other feels so please don't worry and speak freely.

My husband was 47 and was diagnosed 3 months before he passed. Not really long enough to take it all in but definitely long enough for him and us to suffer. I'm just passed the 3 year anniversary now and the all encompassing knock the breath out of me grief has all but gone but I'm still sad and lonely although our 2 sons still live with me which makes me lucky. 

Please take care of yourself, try and find joy in one thing every day, the sunshine, a nice walk, a chat with friends.  For me I can now say most of the day is ok, I say this to give you hope, it will take as long as it takes.

Best wishes 

Ruby 

Thank you for your words Ruby., I’m sorry for your loss and glad it has got easier for you.  I am so frightened of loneliness and sadness. I have my daughter living with me and my son comes home most weekends but they are early twenty’s so obviously line going out. My husband was absolutely perfect I loved him so much it is unbearable at the moment but as you say early days. I have got friends coming to see me which helps but the background sadness is terrible. I feel so so sorry for my husband that he loved life so much and never got to live. X

Oh my dear Gentlewaves I am so sorry you have had to join us on here but we all understand your distress. Yesterday someone rang out of the blue to speak to my husband and I had to say he’d died. It was only after I hung up I realised it’s now all most six months and I don’t know where the time has gone. I wonder how I have  survived so long without him? I’ve done it by being kind to myself, allowing myself to accept help, cuddles etc from my loved ones. We were not blessed with children so I have been supported by my amazing nephews, their wives and especially their children who miss him so very much. I am not lonely but oh my goodness I’m so very sad without him. 
My husband and also loved life so now I have to try and love it for us both. He would - and so would your beloved - want us to try our best.

Keep in touch

Love from June x

Dear Gentle ages - so sorry for the loss of your husband - it is 14 weeks today since my husband passed - we had 5 weeks diagnosis - I am still devastated  - the loneliness is heartbreaking - my son is down south so I'm pretty much on my own - it was just the two of us as we are older so it's like losing the other half of me - friends etc are great but it's just wee things that are so upsetting - this site has been a great comfort knowing other people feel the same - please take care - God bless.

Hello I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband after such a short illness. It is devastating as I said it is unbelievable and unbearable. I feel so so sad for my husband who loved life he was a caring loving perfect person, he was so gentle kind extremely clever it is such a waste of life taken so young . I look at his photos all the time and cannot believe it. I never know how I am going to come to terms with his death. Forever in my heart . 

Ruby said it all so well, there is little I can add. Just know we are all here for you and we know exactly what you are going through. We are all in this together and we will always be able to support you as best we can.

I lost my husband September 30, 2018. It still hurts and I suspect it always will, but it does get easier. Grief doesn't go away, but we become used to its presence and we learn to work with it and go with the ebbs and flows of sadness. You'll make it. 

Martha

Hi Gentlewaves. You need some time to process what has just happened and I hope you have people you can talk to. I lost my wife in March, stage 4 which went to her brain. Like you we had plans and planning for my retirement next year. We spent 6 months going through the treatments with my wife with all the side effects, just such a dreadful time with an unimaginable end. It’s 13 weeks now and I miss her terribly every day. I just hope that you can talk with someone who is close to you, it won’t take away the pain and the unimaginable sense of loss or sadness but I hope that as I move through life my memories of the 36 years that we had together will keep me going. I really am so sorry for your loss, losing a soul mate is an impossible thing to contemplate in the short term which I can attest too. Good luck and take care.

Dave

Hi Dave, I’m sorry for your loss too. I realise it is early days for me, I still cannot believe it, I look at photographs in the house and it breaks my heart. It is so unfair and cruel, my husband was only 55 had so much to live for. He was the kindest most caring loving man who would do anything for me and others. I feel the last few weeks of his life I was so busy calling Drs nurses organising things that I never truly told him how I felt of him. Although, I could see before me his deteriorating I never believed he would die, how I would give anything for 5 more minutes with him . I really don’t know how I will live Sphinx. I have my daughter and son around me and have had friends stay but it is still heartbreaking Jenny 

Jenny losing your life soulmate is something that is going to break your heart. Like you I look at photos of Frances and it just crucifies me. There is no easy way through this that I can see I only hope that with time I can look at our photos and reminisce without it crushing me. In 6 months we all as a very close knit family went through so much, I held Frances for 45 minutes whilst she was having a seizure and waiting for an ambulance, I was raging at the delay but also had to try and keep control where I felt absolutely helpless, they talk about the Journey, like you we experienced a very challenging and difficult one. One of the big things for me was that although I was there for Frances 24/7 I couldn’t protect her from this awful disease or change the outcome, cancer took it all out of my hands. I went to an outdoor birthday party yesterday with my daughter and her partner, the party was for a very close friend of mine as were the family and people there. It’s the first time I have been to any kind of function since Frances died in March. Jenny I had to leave as I was overcome with the fact that my lifetime friend was not and could not be there ever, I left and went for a walk to try and clear my head then went home. I suppose I am saying Jenny that it will not become any less painful any time soon, like me you will always miss your soulmate. On a positive note my daughter and I try to get each other through our intolerable loss and daily sadness. Chin up Jenny but as my daughter has told me, it’s ok to be sad Dad, I find daily life so difficult but I will learn to live with my new normal as crap as it is. Take care Jenny. Dave M

Hello Gentlewaves, I lost my Lovely Julia 5 months ago today and it seems like only yesterday. We were lucky to have 59 years of marriage but even that has gone in a flash but I am reminded every day of all of the good times we had and I try with the help of my daughter to say hello every day. Julia kept a diary all her life particularly detailed at certain times and I am now reading some of those for the very first time and realise how much we loved each other. I decided to start my own daily diary 4 months ago and now find that is helping me to get through every day and look forward to the next so that I will have something to tell her. Look after yourself and take care. Colin