Can’t believe what has happened

Hello Trixieone

I have no words other than to say I know just how devastated you are feeling, especially in these early days.

It will be 39 weeks on Monday since I lost my husband just 90 days after his first diagnosis. We had five days of knowing there was nothing more that could be done and he was in hospital at the time. Because of Covid, in the last ten days I was only able to spend around 8 hours with him. We’d been together for over 46 years. I still feel so unbelievably sad, not all the time, mostly I feel just numb. 

My advice would be to take things at a pace that is right for you. If you don’t achieve anything some days, don’t worry about it. Do what you need to do.

As for the tools in the garage- I’m in the same position. No idea what most of them are for, which I should keep or what to do with the ones I’ll never need. Four sets of ladders are not going to be something I ever use! (Perhaps I should explain Chris was a DIY enthusiast and a decorator!)

I can only repeat what others have said- this site and the people on it can provide so much comfort and support. Read the posts, it will reassure you that you’re not going mad. Don’t feel you have to respond every time. 

Most importantly, take time, be as kind to yourself as you are able.

Stay safe and sending hugs

Jane

x

Hello,

My husband passed away 10 days ago.

I think people can’t believe how well I am coping but i am just completely numb. I don’t think I’m am comprehending what is happening but I am  trying to be kind to myself and not put any pressure on myself to feel a certain way.

it is very weird to say that I found comfort in your post  because there are many times when I feel so alone. I just hold on to the fact that within time I will only remember all the wonderful times and not the pain.

xxxx

Hi Toni

So sorry to hear about your husband, 10 days is such a short time. The numbness you feel is completely natural and I wonder if it’s the body’s way of protecting you in the short term.

Everyone on this site says take one day at a time and it’s so true. Only take on what you can at that moment as there is always a tomorrow.

Like you, it’s hard to remember the wonderful times without the grief that they will never happen again.

Hopefully, this will ease with time but it is so hard to imagine that will ever happen.

We are both at such an early stage in our grieving and still, four weeks on, I find it hard to come to terms with what has happened. I can’t think of a future without Ian and I’m sure you must be feeling the same about your husband.

Take care

Hello Tony,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Our psyche has funny (but very effective) ways of coping, doesn't it? I think one of them is to make us numb so that we don't feel the deep and incredibly hard to live with pain of loss. It is normal, many of us experience it. Be kind to yourself, try and eat and rest as much as you can, reach out here or to family and friends for support if you need to talk. This is one of the hardest, if not THE Hardest, time you'll ever have to experience.

Lots of love

Mel

Hi Trixieone,

I totally get it. On the day of the funeral I didn't cry much either, I felt I wanted to be strong for Paul and for everyone else who was there and very sad too, but it hit me the day after.

I know what you mean when you say you don't know how you feel. It's hard to know sometimes isn't it? Sometimes there are just no words to describe it or we feel so many things all at the same time that it is this mix of emotions we can't describe. It's such early days for you still.

Lots of love

Mel

Hi everyone who has responded to my posts

Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement. It really helps to know that I am not alone and that grief can manifest itself in so many different ways and time.

It hasn’t helped that I caught COVID from a family member at the funeral and am now in isolation. Luckily my symptoms are mild but this has had such a knock on effect on family around me that I can’t find the ‘space’ to grieve.

Like everyone on this site, I just wish one could turn the clock back and change reality.

Love to you all ….