It's too soon

Dear Nellie 

I am so sorry to hear your news. No matter how much notice we have the end is always such a shock and raises so many questions. Please do be gentle and kind to yourself and rest as much as you can. 

I hope you have family support and someone is always around on here to help and keep you company.

much love

Junex

Dear Nellie

So sorry for your loss - it is 12 weeks today that I lost my husband - just like your husband he was admitted for blood tests and his heart stopped suddenly - it was 2 mths from his diagnosis so it was a great shock - every day has been so hard, I'm heartbroken - please take care, God bless.

Hello Nellie

I am so sorry for your loss, but glad you have found this group.

The shock you have received is horrendous and I think it is normal to think 'if only'.

I lost my husband 6 months ago, I dropped him off for routine tests and they found kidney cancer which had spread extensively.

He was gone in 2 weeks.

I too wish we'd had more time but I am glad he didn't suffer.

Please be kind to yourself and don't expect too much. I hope you have some good support around you.  The best advice I received was to take one day at a time, which I still do.

Take care xx

Thank you June. I went to my mum and dad today as my brother and his family came over but it was all too much and I had to leave.

I am so sorry to hear that. We did have 18 months since his diagnosis and I just wish we had been able to do more. I was so worried about him catching covid but should have made more memories instead.

Thank you Sarah 21. I feel I should be doing everything and am looking too far into the future so I will remember your kind advice, thank you.

Hello Nellie

So sorry for your loss. But as others have said, so glad you’ve found this site…it’s such a support.

For me it is over 8 months since I lost Chris. We only had 5 days of knowing there was nothing more to be done- up until then we believed that there was treatment that could deal with his cancer. But like your situation, it had spread too far. He was in hospital for the last ten days and as Covid was in full swing, I wasn’t allowed to visit other than two meetings with his consultant. My days have been full of if only.

In these early days my advice, for what it’s worth, would be to take each day hour by hour. Be kind to yourself- do what is right for you, don’t let others push you into doing things you’re not ready for. I found it easier, if that’s the right word, to limit how much official stuff I dealt with in any one day. I had a complete meltdown when I was repeating the same grim information for what seemed like the 100th time one morning. 

I hope that you have some support- take it if it helps but you’re the one who knows what you’re ready to deal with. So be kind to yourself.

Take care, sending hugs

Jane

x

Thank you Jane. I read your info page and my heart breaks for you. Not being able to see your husband due to covid must be just terrible. Thank you for tge advice. I feel I need to be in full on practical mode to sort everything now so I will ease up. I have been told they have signed the medical certificate without a post mortem but have called the registry office all afternoon and just can't get through. Keep hearing it has to be done in 5 days so panicking about something I can't control. Will try again tomorrow x

Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, it can be such a terrible journey to go through. I lost my wife to stage 4 cancer which went her her brain just over 4 months ago. I also tell myself if only but cancer made the decisions and it was all beyond my control, I see that now but still beat myself up as I could not protect and save my wife. Take care Nellie

Dear Nellie,

So sorry for your loss, my Dave also died of advanced Prostate cancer 6 months ago, far earlier than his original prognosis.

It’s really hard, take one day at a time otherwise it’s overwhelming to think too far ahead. To know there are people who understand what you’re going through helps to feel less isolated.   Take care.
Geri x