My wife died

Hi Si

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. It is all too much at the moment but you will take strength from your beautiful children and they will get you through.

Take care of you and your children. Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Si

1. i am so sorry for you and your children’s loss and the speed at which your lovely wife’s illness. I lost my partner 8 weeks ago after 6 months from diagnosis. The time has all been a bit of a haze and also painful. I believe the pain of the loss is matched by the level of love you both shared. Being with your live when they leave is so important and even though Stephen slept, I knew he could hear me. It is a long path that none of us welcome, but do reach out as everyone on this site is taking the same journey. All of us understand completely the challenge of nursing and losing someone to cancer. It’s hard to see a way forward but you can only put one foot in front of the other and try not to set yourself too unachievable expectations. Also everyone grieves differently so there is no right or wrong way to start and take this journey. Just know you aren’t alone on this track and all of us would want to support whenever you need to share how you are feeling. xxx

Hi Si in the North,

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a horrendous time for you and your kids. I am glad you have joined this forum as all of us on here understand because we, too, have lost our spouse to this terrible disease and it helps all on here so much to share and to read posts from other members and to get help and support. I am also glad to hear that you have caring family and friends around you. But it's very early days for you and nothing can lessen the pain of loss for you right now. As you said in your post, it is going to be a long path with many ups and downs, many forwards and backwards, this path is not linear and ever-changing.

I am glad you had time to exchange those final words with your wife. Many of us weren't able to do this because their loved ones were permanently unconscious towards the end.

I think it is lovely that you are calling it the celebration of her life and not funeral. I think a celebration of her life it should be. She was a wonderful person for you and for the kids and for everyone around her and she has left a legacy behind and she should be celebrated.

My Paul died three years ago. For us it wasn't quick. Paul had prostate cancer for 15 years before it spread to his liver, than 10 months on chemo, he died from various infections in his body, mainly sepsis.

As someone who is three years down the line on this journey I can tell you that the pain of loss will never go away, but it will get easier to cope with the pain over time, to accommodate it, and to move forward in life.

Lots of love

Mel

Thank you all, for your kind words. For all the amazing support that I have from wonderful family and friends no one else really understands, it is such a comfort to be able to speak with you all.

With love

Si

XX

Hello Si

You will be so very busy for quite some weeks dealing with necessary paperwork and phone calls!! Having to repeat your story time and again is a pain in the derriere but it has to be done unfortunately, and only by you  I would suggest you make notes each time you deal with different companies but also realise you don't have to do it all at once,  take your time, bereavement teams are trained to be patient and compassionate with their caller. 

Take it canny lad 

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is a terrible time, to be sure. But you will be okay. Remember your wife lives on in your children and in your heart. Nothing can take the love and memories from you. Just take the time you need to find your feet. I truly believe that grief is something that we learn to live with. It is never going to go away, but you will learn to find a place for it in your life.

My heart goes out to you. You will be okay and you will survive this. But no one can doubt the difficulty as you find your way forward without your love by your side. (I find talking to my husband helps. I also find writing helps.)

Martha

Hi,

I am really sorry to hear of your wife’s passing. I lost my husband 4 months ago at the age of 41.  He passed away just 3 weeks after diagnosis.  I have a young child and like you couldn’t quite believe what was happening.

I don’t really have any wisdom to share. I am still struggling to come to terms with it. However, my little girl has pulled me through the hardest of days and your kids will do the same. I worry about her losing her memories as she’s so young so am trying to capture those as much as possible to share with her when she’s older

Be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. 

T x

No words will express the loss and heart ache my children are grown up and still struggle i cant begin too imagine you having to deal with your own pain and trying with young children  tske all the love support and help from family and friends x

Hi Si,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife mate, particularly the rapidness of it all.

My late wife Margaret suffered cancer for over 7 years, so we had time to "get used to it" (if that is at all possible). I simply cannot imagine a timeline as short as yours.

The best advice I was given was "Don't try to figure out how to live your life without her. Learn to live your live with the love she left inside you.". Every day I do my best to fulfil that and hope she would be proud of me, our sons, our daughter-in-laws and our grandkids and the way our family has bonded closer and tighter based on the example she showed us - love each other constantly and unconditionally.

In the same way that every cancer journey is absolutely unique, so are grief and loss. Do what's right for you and your family.

Hang in there buddy.

Peace
Ewen :-)

P.S. When you say "I don't know how the sun will rise", check my signature below. You and your kids will amaze yourself.

Hello Si, like you I lost my lovely wife Julia to this awful disease, just four months ago and I still cannot believe it. Unlike you we had 59 years together, but the last 2 1/2 years were a battle but I still think of her every day as though she will walk in the room.. I have found this site so helpful in many ways no least to remind myself of ways to keep myself sane and appreciate my luck in those 59 years. I am also lucky in having my daughter living with me and we talk about Julia every day especially when we can’t remember the name of a flower which she planted in our garden, she knew so much..take care everyone and try to keep busy! Look after your children, xxx Colin