Is This Real?

Hello Tr03,

I am so sorry for your loss. But I am glad you have found us here. This group of people who are all going through a similar situation do understand the pain and devastation you are going through, and most of us here find sharing their thoughts and feelings and reading about other people's thoughts and feelings really helpful.

I am 39 now, was 35 when I lost my husband, and I was dreading the life ahead of me that wouldn't have him in it. I just felt it was so cruel that we had been robbed of a future together by this horrible disease. My husband and I had a very different age anyway - he was 68 when he died and I was, as I said, 35 - so I guess I always knew that it was likely that he would go before me, but not this early of course!

It's good that you have a young child that keeps you going. Although I can imagine that it is sometimes difficult to deal with him/her on top of the grief How old is your child? How is he/she affected by the grief?

I hope you have support from family and friends around you.

This forum is always here for you.

Love, Mel

I am so sorry for the loss and pain you are feeling. I lost Stephen 5 weeks ago today. I feel like I’m sleep walking each day and just try to get through one day at a time. I know he would want me to keep trying even though he knew it would be hard. You will make your partner proud by all that you do and keeping going. But there are days it all seems impossible and positively gruelling. It’s Stephen’s live that helps me when I feel so low- I hear him encouraging me to get out of bed and do what needs to be done but I do give myself time and try to take stock. This group also helps as it reminds me there are others taking each step at a time and understanding how I feel. People on the site have been great and understand...completely. Family and friends are also supportive but, unable to take the journey we have all been forced to take, they sometimes don’t fully understand. A big virtual hug to you xx

Hi Tr03 

Im so sorry you’ve had to join us here nobody ‘wants’ to join but it’s a really good thing to do. 

We are all on here because we’ve loved and lost and all feel the same awful pain and sadness and disbelief. 
As Rolo1 says, friends and family can be incredibly kind but they can’t feel exactly how we do so that’s what makes sharing on here a good thing, a supportive thing from others feeling exactly the same.

I was told from the day David died (13 weeks ago) to take one day at a time and it’s good advice. I’ve tried to out run my grief, jump to that ‘next step’ of accepting and grieving still but finding joy in life again but there is no out running it! I just have to let it be and keeping facing each day. 

Sending you a virtual hug  

xx

Thank you all for your kind words and support. You are absolutely right. While I have family and friends around me offering support day and night it’s good to connect with others who are feeling the same way that I am. My little one is 4 and while she knows what has happened she doesn’t fully grasp that he can’t come back one day. Sometimes the questions she asks are heartbreaking and it just sets me back each time. As you’ve suggested I’m trying to just manage to get through one day at a time.

This awful experience had definitely changed the person I am. Kind of feel I’ve lost myself.  I am going back to work this week so that’s another step on the journey.  Hopefully that will help me to focus on something else even for just a few hours each day. It’s hard to listen to everyone else’s happy tales without feeling a bit bitter at the moment so I imagine more mixing with others will bring some challenges. 

Hi Tro3. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago, I am very grateful that we had nearly 50 years together with loads of happy memories. Sadly my daughter lost her husband 6 weeks before. She has 2 young children. I am amazed how she has coped and kept going for the children It has made me keep going and we support each other and I spend as much time as I can with them. Children are very good at keeping you in the moment. I hope you have some support because it’s also important to take time out for yourself. 

Sending hugs, I’m not sure if getting easier is the term to use but almost 2 years since Jerry died I’m accommodating his death. The grief still intense but not overspilling into every action or minute of the day. The realisation that I’m never going to wake up and find him home will make me cry, but I no longer dwell on it. More of the happy times and the love  is replacing the loss,  so happy to have had the time and less mourning of the future we thought we had. Xx 

Hello Puddle Fish and all,

I lost Paul in May of 2018. I think for me it has become easier to live with the loss. There are probably a number of reasons why. I think one reason is that time in some ways really is a healer; I don't think of the traumatic times as much and more of our good times, I don't beat myself up anymore for things that I could or should have done and didn't do, I accept the sad moments as well as the happy ones, some memories perhaps change and fade a little. Another reason is that I have understood that missing Paul and moving forward in my life is not a contradiction, and I am glad to move forward because I know that Paul would have wanted me too and there are indeed many good things about this life that have not gone away because Paul is gone. And perhaps another reason is that I have experienced so many situations when I feel that Paul is still here, just in a different form now, in a different way, but I feel we are deeply connected and always will be. 

Lots of love

Mel

Sorry to hear of your loss and I  can only imagine how hard it must be to have to explain to a young child.

Sadly, I have no magic words to ease your pain....

As I have mentioned before, my advice is to take each day, hour and minute as it comes. Some days will be easier to get through, then the next it will seem like you've gone backwards. Just remember to go easy on yourself, it doesn't matter if other people think you should be doing 'xyz' you move forward at your pace, when you feel ready... Grief is not a 'one size fits all' it's personal and you cope in whatever way is right for you.

It's 8 months and I still feel my beloved is going to come back to me ♡

Pooka, it’s as if you’ve read my mind. I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve said. It’s a similar time for me and I’m having one of those nights where I feel it’s all a bad dream and I’ll wake up soon. I’m lying in bed sobbing- I hate this point of the day.

Sending hugs to all

Jane

xx

Jane .. nothing I say will ease your sorrow so I just send you a big hug x