Not ready to move house just yet!

I’m finding it difficult in the house at the moment. One thing I do want to do is honour the plans we had for it. The garden to be landscaped and a new front drive. We had a list and I’m sticking to it. Initially in the first month I was determined to do it all but I realised I was trying to do too much. I don’t want to make too many changes but equally I need to make some or I am constantly reminded of the last 8 months of fighting and losing to this cruel disease. It’s so difficult to make the decisions without my wife. 

Hello Hippodog

We too had a list of things to do to the house to make it easier for us both. Chris made sure I knew I still had to do them as he knew I had no intention of moving from the house that has been our home for 37 years. Like you, I got a couple of the things done as soon as it was spring but I’ve stalled a bit now. I know I need to give myself a shake and get some more things ticked off. 
My problem will be the decorating inside the house. Chris was a decorator and kept up to the house. He decorated the hall and stairs after his first diagnosis but sadly (for him) never got the kitchen redecorated. But I feel that when I come to get rooms decorated, it will feel like painting him away, if that makes sense. Luckily I won’t have to do any decorating for a couple of years, so maybe I’ll feel more able to deal with it by then. 
This grieving process is a wired thing, isn’t it?
Take care, stay safe

Jane

x

Hi Jane,

I know how this feels. I didn’t do any of the decorating, I’m even overwhelmed at having to choose a colour! I am having some damp repaired in the dining room this week so I know I will need to paint. It’ll only be 3 months this month since I lost my wife and it’s difficult to consider the changes. However I’m going to have to move her shoes from the pantry in the dining room as I’m so worried about damp. It feels too soon to be doing anything like this but I want to protect them. It’s not horrible black damp, rather than water ingress from an old chimney stack but I’m still worried. 

Am I ready to move her shoes and put them into a sealed container? I’m not sure :( Seems silly to be worrying so much over a few pairs of shoes. Some days I can deal with it, others it’s all too much.

X

Hippo dog….just to say you’re not alone with the shoes. It’s 38 weeks plus 1 day for me….and Chris’ shoes are still in the shoe cupboard! I did bring his gardening shoes in from the garage…and added them to the cupboard.
Not silly at all, it’s just part of this awful situation 

xx

Hippodog,

I am in a similar situation, and it is so hard. It is one year. A few weeks ago there was a leak in the wall in our sitting-room, and the whole wall was very wet. I had to move furniture, and I was in tears, as I did not want to move anything. My husband would have dealt with it all.....I am now waiting for the wall to dry out, living with furniture covered in miles of thin plastic sheeting as plaster had to be removed, three holes in the wall, to find the leak. I took photos of where some ornaments were, to be able to replace them. But it hurts, that everything has had to be moved. I just wanted to go on living with my husband around me as we had been, together. And now there has been a rat, which ended up in our bedroom, so more tears at moving things.

I have to decide about how much to re-paint in the sitting-room. We were going to redecorate, but we were going to do it together. Our children are telling me to use this opportunity, and re-paint the whole room and the kitchen. They are semi-open plan. I know in my mind that they are right.  But in my heart I just do not want to change anything, even though the walls are in a grey state, and not really white at all. I will have one wall, re-painted and the holes mended and the plaster re-done,  and then????

It is so comforting to see that I'm not alone in this problem. But I still don't know what to do.....

Take a photograph of your wife's shoes, and then you can re-place them later on. It may help you. If it really is too damp there. And three months is so close...no time at all, to have to make any big decisions. I once read that for the first year do not make any big decisions or changes. I think that is right for me, anyway.  Give yourself time. And I don't think that it is silly to worry over shoes. I still have not moved my husband's shoes. It gives me some comfort, in spite of the pain of the loss, to see them.   ...I'm so grateful to this chat, to the feeling of support. It is hard, being alone, even with children, who have their own families and just want their mother to be all right, to be able to manage....

My husband passed away seven months ago, he was 53 his coats still hang up in the hallway and is clothes still in the wardrobe and his watches on the dressing table , I don’t know if I will be ever ready to move them , I feel closer to him with his things around me xx

I am the same. I can’t imagine moving any of her stuff which is why it’s so hard to move the shoes that are mouldy. x 

Xxx

Jenq, Hippodog,

Xxx