I’m still grieving

Hi everyone,

I'm coming on a bit late here but I've been a bit busy. Since 2016, I've moved to two different countries. This time, it's more permanent so I had our things shipped over. So, here I am living among our things for the first time since Gilles died at the end of 2018. Seeing some things have made me smile but now I think I'm just depressed. The things don't replace him. I think I had certain expectations, against my better judgement, but there you go, I'm only human. Like many of you in the same timeframe, a lot of things have changed in my life but I can't say I'm happy. The hole, the loneliness and sadness seem to have become permanent fixtures in my life. I can only hope that, just as the rawness of the early days has subsided, perhaps these feelings will also attenuate one day. Sunday is Gilles' birthday: the third one since he died. Time goes on, though we'd like for it to stop a little.

Hi Jane and all,

It's interesting I've never found the evenings particulalry difficult, not more difficult than any other time of day, but what has always been difficult for me, it still is somehow after athree years, are weekends when I have nothing planned and don't know what to do with myself. Or, in fact, I don't think it's so much that I don't know what to do with myself, it's more that all the things I am doing I don't want to be doing them on my own. At the moment I don't feel this so much because I am here with my parents still but I know I will feel it again when I go back to Ireland.

Lots of love

Mel

Perhaps it’s getting easier, 

some lovely news I’m going to be a grandma in November, I know in my heart Jerry knows it’s a very strong comforting feeling like an inner hug. 

Lovely ️