Struggling

Take a deep breath, do whatever you need to do- cry, swear, rant, shout, curl up under the duvet. It’s truly rubbish and you’re okay to feel sad. Sending virtual hugs 

Jane

xx

All my hubby’s clothes etc are still here because of course all the charity shops have been closed. Two weeks ago I reckoned his pants could just go in the bin and as the bin men drove away I began to cry and I’ve hardly stopped since. Life really is pants at times isn’t it? I have no idea how I’ll cope with his suits etc going. 

Hi Bike Girl,

 I can understand how you feel.   All of my wife’s personal stuff hand bag, purse, clothes she died in, hospital bag etc are all in my box room.  Going in this room is traumatic for me, tears flow I avoid it at all costs.   It’s full of triggers.

Peter xx

Hello Peter

I have still got everything of Chris’ in his section of the wardrobe, his gardening jacket is still in the shed and his shoes and slippers are still in the ‘shoe cupboard’ His watch is still on his bedside cupboard too. Almost six months on and I’m not ready to do anything with his things yet. I don’t open the wardrobe doors much but I know his things are still there. I am going to have two Memory bears made so that will probably be my first move to choose the things I want to be used for those. 
Jane

xx

Dear Jane, 

Keeping Chris’s personal effects just as they are gives you comfort and familiarity, that’s so understandable.  Love the idea of memory bears that’s a really good idea.

 I tell you what I do sometimes, I wrap my arms around her clothes hanging in her wardrobe giving them a ’hug’ and smell her clothing.  Sounds weird but it’s so comforting for me.  

Peter x

It doesn’t sound weird at all, Peter. It sounds just what you say- comforting.
Jane

x

No Peter it doesn’t sound weird at all. Unfortunately I have none of my beloveds  smells as for months he had only lived in his bed and as that needed changing often no smells remained. I keep his pillows, sheet and light cover next  to me on the bed where he died eight weeks ago - I can’t smell him anymore but I get such comfort from them lying next to me. His ashes are there too. Keep strong - we’ll be ok. 

Nearly 5 months on and I haven’t, just can’t wash my husbands pillow cases , smells have faded but I know he laid his head on them xx

I have the bedding in the same position the nurse left it in after my beloved died but it’s on top of the fresh bedding. It no longer smells of him but oh how I love to snuggle there every night. 

Hi all,

I have Paul's things still in my wardrobe except for a few items that I needed to take out to make more room for my stuff. And I have one jumper - I think I said this here before - which he had worn a couple of times in his final week and it is still lying on top of my laundry basket and it still smells of him - at least I think so, haven't been there lately as you know - but I am hoping it still does and I will keep it there. Sometimes smelling it last thing before going to bed made me cry, sometimes it was very comforting, and sometimes even in the crying was some comfort.

Love

Mel