Grief

James, thank you for your response, I am trying my best to look after myself, but it somehow feels difficult to focus attention just on myself. And yes my emotions are a bit scrambled but that I suppose is expected and I need to be mindful that I am in the very early days.

I too have just joined this groupie in he hope that someone will understand how I feel. I lost my husband 6 weeks ago , due to covid his diagnosis was delayed until it was too late and he passed away 3 months after from metatastic bladder cancer that spread. He too was a very fit man and died just 5 weeks before our golden wedding anniversary. He was so brave, fought this awful illness right up to the end and I just don't know how to carry on without him. I go from being a sobbing wreck , which my son finds hard to know what to do or say, to functioning almost normally. But the truth is i am breaking inside, its like ploughing through fog. Every choice just seems to much. I have to sell the house as I cannot afford to stay here, but neither do I want too there are just too many memories. He is everywhere I look as we renovated the place ourselves. It just hurts too much to stay and I certainly can't face being here alone next winter. People say take your time but I don't feel like I have the time , if i don't move forward I feel I will just sink. 

Heraldlady.. sorry on the loss of your husband.

I  can understand your anger that your husband was late being diagnosed due to covid. My husband's treatment was cancelled because of the lockdown and despite trying to fight he couldn't do it without the treatment. I question the ethics of stopping cancer treatment due to Covid. It was totally unnecessary.

It sounds to me like you have faced the fact you need to move home in order to get settled again so my advice would be to start making steps. The process takes several months if you need to sell a property. My home sale is currently still dragging on even though I have a buyer.

Maybe, it is time to sit and have a good chat with your family and tell them you are ready to move and enlist their help. Remember..all our good memories are inside us and they can be with you no matter where you live. Moving home doesn't mean you have forgotten them. I have recently moved into new home and of course I  miss neighbours and my house but I  miss my husband more than anything...and he's not at either place except inside me and the photos on my wall.

I wish you well with your decisions... go with what you want,

when you feel ready x

Hello - welcome. I believe there are no rules of what happens when or what is worse for who. Permission from yourself that what ever you do today is OK might be all right. We do what we can do to get through. Your name caught my eye  as one of my ways of coping was to buy a big fuck off motorbike and ride gently round the B roads.  It was much better support than friends in lockdown who had never lost a partner.  For me, other losses hurt , parents, siblings, step son,  hamsters  but nothing is the same as losing a partner.  Do it your way. 

Good for you NellieJ on getting the bike and doing it your way.. We are also bikers in our family and the funeral cortege was flanked by outriders from Blood Bikers and ex Naval men.

Sometimes the time alone doing it our way is what's needed rather than well meaning people telling you how to grieve.