Grief

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support I’d be lost without you all on here.  Sometimes my grief is unbearable and I felt the need to reach out.   
BootsyD hope today goes as well as expected,  it’s snowed here in West Cheshire.

take care all.   Peter x

BootsyD, thinking of you today on this very important day. I hope you've gone through it okay.

Love

Mel

Today has been a nice day even though it's been mixed weather, cold, windy at times then the sun would shine a bit but no rain and a tiny snow flurry on the way home! 

So that's almost all the firsts over with - I think the last first will be the day we buried him 20 April. Dates haunt us all don't you think? 

Home alone again and work tomorrow, back to the same old same old!! 

Stay safe everyone x

The 365th day since Colin passed was a 'nice' day with some family and friends drifting by in the 5+ hours we spent at the cemetery celebrating his life, I was reasonably ok on the evening at home alone. Work on the 366th day was worse than I expected it to be the emptiness I felt was odd, if that can make sense to others that have passed the 1 year mark.  I had a lot of tears when I got home then more when facebook memories presented themselves and of course it would of been the next day/afternoon after Colin died when the sad news was out there . I do like Facebook, especially the memories that come up, just know there'll be no more new ones with my lovely man

Day 367 and I'm ok, mostly

Its 7 weeks today since my husband died and never mind feeling as if my heart has been ripped out I feel my soul has. I am not living just existing to cross another day off the calander as another day closer to us been together again. I really dont want to be here without him but he made me promise to be happy. So I am letting him down for how can I be happy without him I do have support from my siblings (we didnt have children). However, their best intentions and platitudes sit heavily on me. It angers me when they say they know how I feel because they dont, None of them have had a husband or wife die, Or when they say it will get better with time.I know they mean well but its not helping how can it get better when nothing can bring him back.

Hi Teega

It's 15 weeks today for me, I really don't want to count the weeks...but I can't forget.

I have the same issue with siblings, it really upsets and annoys me but then I know they mean well, but don't understand what we're going through.

I too am just existing and feel as I have no purpose anymore. I know that's normal but it doesn't help does it. 

Nothing helps and I am now trying stop trying to make sense of how I feel and the rollercoaster we are on, because it doesn't make sense to me. 

'Ive never experienced anything like the pain, fear and loneliness and I don't feel like it will ever get better without my soulmate. But I promised him I would be OK so I keep  that in mind as I keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time.

Sending love and strength xx

Hi Teega, Sarah 

I’ve been having a tough day, they all are but some tougher than others. 

I read messages like both of yours and firstly I instantly know EXACTLY how you feel it mirrors my feelings and then secondly I want to say something that will help. But what? 

All I know is that these spouses of ours were good people who loved us dearly or we wouldn’t be feeling like we do. We do therefore, as hard as it is ...owe it to them to try to live on. 
It’s incredibly hard (I’m not doing great at all) but when I feel I can’t breathe I think about how upset Dave would be to see me like this so I ...try

Lots of love & strength xx

Hello Teega and Sarah

It’s 170 days for me and I’m afraid the days are still tough- it is the loneliness that’s got to me today. I met two friends and had a pleasant walk in the sunshine. But coming back to an empty house with no one asking me what we’d talked about or where we’d been has hit me so hard. 
I don’t know whether I’m ‘lucky’ in that Chris ’ siblings and my brother who all live in different parts of the country don’t keep in touch with me at all, unless I contact them first. Considering some of the conversations I had with all of them in the first few days, I have to say it’s a relief. Sad but true.

I am trying desperately to live the life Chris would want me to, not to cry at the drop of a hat. He would be telling me not to cry, not to be sad, to remember how lucky we were to have the 46 years we had- but that’s what’s making this all so very hard. And all that trying is so very exhausting. I have no real words of wisdom, just want you to know that I get it. It hurts so very much.

Take care, be kind to yourself if you can. Sending hugs

Jane

x

Big hugs Jane xx