Monday blues

Hi MyPineapple

I can relate so much with what you have said.  I can talk forever about my grief and heartbreak but it will still be there. Sometimes talking can help me if I am having a really down time, it does help to ift my mood.

As I think I have said before I was offered counselling from the hospice where John died because of the speed and the trauma of it all.  He hadn't been ill, but was diagnosed in December and died 2 weeks later, around 3 hours after he went into the hospice.

I hadn't seen him for 12 days until that last day, when he looked so poorly and I was with him when he passed away. That time will haunt me forever. I replay the whole thing over and over in my head, just torturing myself I suppose, but I can't help it.

I was initially offered 6 sessions of counselling and had the last one last week. However, my counsellor thinks there is more work to do so I am carrying on for now. I think it does help me to speak to somebody away from the situation and I am happy to try anything that may help me deal with how I feel and make some sense of it, because I struggle with that most of the time!

I am hoping that in time the horrors of John's last day especially will fade and will be replaced by happy memories. And in the mean time I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, because that's all I can do at the moment.

Definitely love and strength to us all, because we really need it xx

Exactly Sarah, it’s playing those awful moments over that I don’t want either. It’s scary how quickly cancer can just attack (with no warning) spread and kill someone. 
Ive said many times how I am grateful Dave didn’t suffer for longer but the quickness is also such a shock! 
Today someone dropped off two boxes of his things from the office. More of his things to go through. Feels never ending. 
I’m also in an ‘odd’ mood but think it’s anxiety about my first session tomorrow. I want it and I don’t at the same time. 

Love & strength much needed by us all, yes! Xx 

Good morning MPA

Just wanted to say hope all goes well with the counselling today. Thinking of you.

Be kind to yourself, don't have big plans or expectations for after the session. Take some time for you, maybe a walk, bath, sleep, just chill. Maybe something nice for tea.

Take care

Donna x

Thank you Donna x 

I’m just back. Actually went ok. Lots of crying but I do that alone at home every day anyway. Told not to bottle it up but I don’t anyway!! I can’t! 

Home now, chilling with Leo. His mums back tomorrow  but he’s been a great strength to me these past few weeks. I’ve been grateful to have him. 

Hope your day is a good one (in as much as any of are days are good) but you know this. 
xx 

Hello MyPineapple,

You've been in my thoughts today. I’m pleased it went okay and hope that in time it can help you. 
Hugs from another who doesn’t do bottling it up! 
Jane

xx