• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 25 subscribers
  • Views 940 views
  • Users 0 members are here

More from this forum

Community News

At last!

limbo
  • 6 replies
  • 25 subscribers
  • 940 views

Hi Dutsie, Val, Mela and everyone else,

I missed you all so much. It's been a long, long time since I last posted. I've been reading your posts but have been unable to log on ever since I relocated for my new job in August 2020. It's been so frustrating. I wrote several times to the Technical Assistance team at Macmillan to find out why I couldn't connect but to no avail. Finally, by asking around, I began to realize that, for some reason, it had to do with my location and server, so I decided to go on to You Tube tonight and found a tutorial on installing a VPN, whatever that is and bingo, it has worked!

Well, for those of you who may remember me and for those who don't know me, it's now 2 years and 3 months. Incredible!. What can I say? It's still very lonely. I'm still heartbrok. en; I still sleep with my husband's photo next to me. I've been seeing a psychologist. Is it helping? I don't know. At least, I know I can cry to my heart's content and repeat the same things over and over without anyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do or feel. My mother-in-law told me on the phone on Friday that it was time to turn the page. I'm living in a new country, I've started a new job, I've put our flat up for sale. What page am I to turn? Am I supposed to stop loving and missing her son? My life with him was the best page in the book and, no, I'm not ready to turn it.

I guess from the outside I'm doing okay but I still have dark days, fewer than before. I had no idea what to expect two years down the line but I realize it's going to be a long, winding road.

Anyway, I'm really happy to be back with you all and, of course, I'm really sorry for all those who have had to join in the last few months.

  • Hey Limbo,

    Ah it's so Great to see you here again! I was often wondering where you had gone. Lovely to have you back.

    Love Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • Hey Limbo,

    it's so great to have you back. I often wondered where you had gone.

    Love Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • in reply to MelanieL

    Thanks, Mel. I feel as though I've reunited with long lost friends. How are you doing?

  • in reply to limbo

    Hi Limbo,

    I am okay thank you. good and bad days. but I definitely have more good than Bad days. I have been here in Germany with my family since the first lockdown in Ireland. And even though I miss home, I also know that it was the right decision to come here. Thankfully I can do a lot of my work online. Somehow I don't really feel unsettled by it all because I have been feeling unsettled for almost 3 years now.

    Love,Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

  • in reply to MelanieL

    Hi Mel,

    I remember when you went to Germany. It was the beginning of this Covid thing  and you were worried about travelling. I'm glad it has worked out for you. Do you think you will go back to Ireland one day or will you stay in Germany? I know what you mean by feeling unsettled. I feel so vulnerable and unsure of myself and it's as if I'm constantly searching for something but I don't know what.

  • in reply to limbo

    Hi Limbo,

    Sorry I think I haven't replied to your message yet. I am now on a laptop and that's much easier.

    I know that I will go back to Ireland, I just don't know when. At the moment I would feel to scared of going back because I have been with my parents and in constant company now for so long so that it would be a very strong contrast if I went back now and were all on my own. So I think I might wait until the lockdown restrictions ease a little in Ireland. Also, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinsons last week and my parents are only getting to terms with the diagnosis now; I think it is good that I am here until things settle a little bit. And,  don't know, but while I am here I can work very well, even though I may not have always as much time as I would like, but I can get through a lot more perhaps because I am not on my own... I can't explain this one really, I just feel that because I am not on my own I get more done somehow.

    Love Mel

    I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

Help us do whatever it takes, because we’ve never been needed more.

© Macmillan Cancer Support 2024 © Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 3rd Floor, Bronze Building, The Forge, 105 Sumner Street, London, SE1 9HZ. VAT no: 668265007