I Had a Thought Today

It’s funny because I’ve thought about this a little in a round about way...

Ive never before this, had my heart broke.

Ive had two long term relationships (one starting from high school) before Dave and I ended them both. My decision. Both hurt me a little in ways but nothing too dramatic (though second one was a strange relationship that should never have lasted as long as it did) but definitely not heart broken. 

This time I’m totally and completely heartbroken for sure and I can’t even stalk him on Facebook book or anything or plot ways to ‘get him back’ or whatever one does when you’ve been dumped! 

Though doesn’t feel like a break up. My heart is broken as he’s not physically here any more but my heart is also still full to bursting with love for him. 

Xx

Hi MP x

Apologies, after I wrote and ran, I realised the post sounds almost flippant, though that's unintended.

Yes, I can identify with the heartbreak. It's not that he left on purpose, or that I left him, just that there's no chance of us ever getting back together. As you say, I can't even stalk him.

I was married for 24 years before we got together, and 28 years by the time the divorce from my first husband came through.

When we first got together, we both tried not to - we had both recently separated from our spouses and it wasn't the right time at all, too confusing. We ended up stalking each other for about a year and in the end it was just too strong to resist any more. I didn't care in the end even if it turned out to be a dalliance on his part. Well, we dallied for about 22 years.

I can't get it into my little logical mind that there's nothing I can do or say to start over, because it was nothing either of us did or said that tore us apart.

xx

I like your post Dorothy, it actually did make me chuckle (in that black humour, I get what you mean, kind of way).

Two year’s ago I joined a women’s walking group and have met some fantastic ladies. Most of them are divorced or separated, I’m one of the only widows. It’s really interesting how I feel when they’re talking about online dating and starting new relationships - they’re all moving away from bad or unhappy situations which means they’re looking forward to new beginnings. I can’t join in or share the excitement because I would still be married, and incredibly happily, if my wife hadn’t died. It’s a strange and surreal feeling to be married in my heart and and in my head but 100% alone in the eyes of the world. 

You’re right, it’s the worst breakup ever x

Hi sue i felt like this for the fist few weeks after neil passed I had a bad brake up before I met my husband my at the time boyfriend cheated on me it took about a day to get over him and move on with the help of alot of anger and thinking how I could kill him and hid the body i watch too many crime dramas .but because neil had no choices to leave me I had no anger towards him and that just leaves grief which takes longer to get over

One of my work college's got dumped just before Christmas and keeps comparing his brake up to me losing my husband he was in a toxic on again off again relationship where nether of them trusted each other and trying to explain that it is nothing alike is hard what i would like to say is not fit for sensitive ears but I'm sure you could imagine 

sending my love Kate 

Oh I hear that Kate! Surprised you didn’t punch him! 
Just read your bio and I get that numb feeling happening so quick. 
I’m grateful Dave didn’t suffer longer it was truly awful at the end but from 6th Jan being told he had secondary cancer to him dying on 28th February was just too fast to even take stock of what was happening to us. 
xx 

Yeah, my mum keeps comparing my loss to the breakup of her marriage and subsequent divorce to my dad 15 years ago!! I have to muster all my reserves of tact and diplomacy to handle that one!! 

Hi Ernie.

It's truly awful. After I posted this I felt so bad I've been crying behind closed curtains for days, on and off. Not fit to be seen (not that I'm a picture anyway, LOL). It surprised me, to be honest.

At the moment I am busy fooling everyone but the people here, where I know it's not expected of me.

I am torn between anger at not being offered help, and hilarity because I don't know why I am angry when I go to the utmost lengths to conceal my grief.

I know what is best for everyone else; I understand everyone else; I even understand me. 

I am like a spoiled child, crying for the moon. I can't have the one thing I want.

Like you, I am still in a relationship, but it's very one sided, which is why it feels like the ultimate break up, I guess.

I think it will get easier, and I am banking on it, but in the meantime I continue to garden in the most atrocious Scottish West Coast weather and am glad for the rain! xx

Love Sue

Hey Kate x

Yes, my sister-in-law (who I love dearly) tries to impress upon me that her grief is as great as mine because she lost her brother. I do hold my tongue, here, though!

It's not that he was my husband, I've had one before and two children by that one. It's that I lost the only person in the world who "got" me, and me him.

I know your Neil and my Andy never meant to leave us, but in my darkest hours I feel as if maybe he didn't love me enough to live for me. Then I burst into hysterical laughter at the ridiculousness of that - we loved each other more than is sane. We were insane with love.

Thank God (or whomever you perceive Her to be) I had Andy for 22 years. 

Love Sue xx

CDG !!

Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your parents!

I think one of my problems is that I am jealous of my grief - no-one's grieving as good as me, hahaha. 

Love Sue 

Oh Sue, want to give you a big virtual hug! 

This is why we say grief and the way people deal with it is different all over. No one process fits all. Not a linear thing etc! 
You seem to be struggling to show your grief, where as I’m like a puddle everywhere I go. I couldn’t buy a bottle of wine in our local wine shop yesterday without crying! I’m a mess. 

However I get told it’s so good I can cry, that I can be so honest about how I feel. Well ok A star for me then BUT I’m not doing it on purpose it’s just ME I’ve always wore my heart on my sleeve. 
Someone not constantly crying after grief does NOT mean they are not suffering just as very much. I guess it’s just harder for those around you to see it that’s all. However, I know those around me will eventually get fed up of me and I’ll get less sympathy. That’s fine, I don’t want the sympathy anyway it doesn’t help me feel any less f***ing awful. (excuse my french! )

That’s the beauty of this site. We do try to help each other, we may try to lift where we can but mostly we listen and know that we ALL get it! Really get it!!! 

Sue, you strike me as someone with a great sense of humour, something that’s possibly a big part of who you are. Maybe you feel letting in the grief to the point it needs will take all that humour away, losing a part of yourself that others identify with? I can understand that. BUT it won’t. You will always be you! The humour won’t go anywhere just try not to use it to hide behind. 
Jeez would you listen to me ...fully qualified counsellor at your service!!! NOT!!! So these are just words from my heart if they make any sense. If not I apologise. 

Hugs & strength xx