Holidays

The question of holidays is an interesting one. 

I didn't want to go anywhere after Paul's death. I felt I couldn't and didn't want to go anywhere without him. 

But then my brother, who lived in Malaysia at the time, encouraged me to come over to him for two weeks. And one evening, when we were on the phone for hours and I got quite drunk, I agreed that it would be a great idea for me to come over to Malysia and, before I could change my mind, we booked my flight the next day. 

I went to Malaysia five months after Paul's death. And I have to say that I went as a person with very little joy in her heart, missing Paul terribly and not thinking of much else than our last moments in hospital, but I came back a different person. I felt a lot better because I had seen, felt and experienced so many new things for two weeks, I had had so many different things to think about than Paul and myself and what was no longer there, that I felt a lot stronger, a lot more alive upon my return to Ireland. 

So I have to say that I think that holidays are a good thing, even if it is only for a short time. It is good to see and experience new things and to be distracted from the thoughts about what no longer is. Of course we have to know what is right for us and I would not say that everyone should take a holiday shortly after their partners death, we are all different. But if you think that perhaps a couple of days away from home might be good for you, then go for it. 

Love, Mel.

Hi Donna, Mel 

Definitely an interesting one! Dave and I only had four proper holidays in our intense fabulous seven years. We were bad at getting organised and just going! So lazy but so contact and happy just us!!

We had said at the start of 2020 we’d go to Italy together (hadn’t been there together before) but Dave knows I love Italy and then covid hit. 
One of the things he said to me when I went to see him in hospital finally after they had done all they could and were sending him home to deal now with the cancer not covid (but basically knew nothing could be done) was ..”but we had so much left to do ...Italy!” ...then he drifted off again into a trance from the drugs & the effect the cancer was already having. 

I don’t think I could face to go to Italy now without him but I’d definitely like to get away somewhere hot when we can. Sun makes me happier and although I’ll still feel this pain, sun or not I think it might help my soul at least. Xx

Yes I believe I would have ran away by now if we're allowed. But not sure if it has or will help me in the long run that I have had to stay and face the music.

I hear people say they are going away with their children and grandchildren, but what about those of us who don't have them? I have friends but can't see me going away with them as they have their own families.

Rob and I loved our holidays, he preferred England I liked cruises so did both for each other.

I will defo be going away at some point.

It's a strange time of the week, Sunday, feels like here we go again endless battle. Which I hate. 

Sending strength to everyone. 

Love Donna x

Ok Donna, where we going & when!?  I’ve been on a cruise once many years ago. Once I got my sea legs loved it!! 

Every day seems the same to me, covid & my current awful situation. I’ve still got stuff to sort so into the week still has meaning but that will stop too... 

Much strength from me too everyone. Xx

Hi Donna,

Andy and I used to go to one specific island in the Maldives (first time it was a "once in a lifetime" trip, but nowhere else compared so last count we had been 10 times).

After he died last year, when of course I cancelled the holiday, I booked another trip for myself this year, though obviously I may yet have to cancel due to covid restrictions.

I know it will not be the same. I know it may be a bad move, but it's a move I feel I have to make. Trial by fire! If it's terrible, then it can't be worse than what I've already felt. I am forcing myself to do it and then it's done.

Of course, darling D, you must do what you think is going to help you. I am outwardly one of those bleeding relentlessly cheerful people who is coping wonderfully. You and I and the others here know how the soul twists and turns at our loss.

As for the scattering of ashes, I couldn't advise. I think I am one of the few people who bought a plot and buried their loved one. He is in a cemetery close by, looking over his home town. Apart from holidays with me, he never lived more than 5 miles from the place he was born.

Of course, I don't really think he is there

Love and hugs, Sue  xx

My beloved and I travelled so much and even spent four years living in Spain once he retired. I’m not sure how I feel about travelling now but an old friend  used to go pre COVID on what she called fly and flop holidays. She took books, some needlework etc with her and dressed for dinner each evening. My only wish is for one day to be strong and brave enough to go to the east coast, rent a cottage and gaze out to sea with a bottle of wine to keep me company. June 

The holiday thing is a scary one. Gary and I had fabulous holidays and lived for them. Every summer we did a 3 week road trip in the US, hired a Mustang and went to some amazing places. I have literally thousands of photos which I am so glad about. We also travelled widely in pursuit of an elusive win for Scotland at the football Gary was someone who never missed a Scotland game home or away and I joined him and his mates on a few of these. Our last one was to Moscow in October 2019 just weeks before his diagnosis. He looks so well in the photos. 

Who will I go on holiday with now? These things just remind me of what we’ve lost. It’s just so cruel. Although right now I have no notion of going anywhere because it would be too upsetting. I used to go to Tenerife with my mum and friend every October but even that will be tinged with sadness in the future because Gary would always drive us to and from the airport and would text and phone me all the time we were away to see how we were getting on. God I miss him so much. 

Peigi xx 

Certainly sounds like you and Gary knew how to holiday!! 
Sleep well Peigi xxx

Hello all

An interesting thought this holiday dilemma. My wonderful Chris wouldn’t fly so all our holidays were spent in the UK and we had favourite places that we returned to again and again- North Norfolk and the Lake District being two of our favourites. I can’t actually bear the thought of going on holiday right now. But when I do tentatively start to wonder I can’t decide which is more difficult to contemplate- never sitting on the beach at Wells next the Sea again or being there without him. I honestly don’t know which is worse or more painful. I would love to think that I’ll be brave enough to revisit our places and remember the happy times but since we spent our time before his diagnosis planning to go back there when Covid restrictions were ancient history, who knows? And as for going alone.......

Love and hugs to you all

Jane

xx

I think you’re brave enough Jane. X 

I think all of us on here are brave. To have gone through the pain of losing our most beloved (in horrid ways too boot) and then living on with that pain ...is brave. Being on here, reaching out, is brave.

Once restrictions lift you’ll make a decision but there’s no pressure. Xx