Thank you

Much love Donna. 
I’m feeling so bad tonight I hope sleep finds me it’s the only time I’m ok xxx

Love to you Dorothy. 
God we all hurt so much 

Thank you everyone,  it really does help me x

Yes, it's hard. I wish I could be there as an outsider to just let you cry and say it's okay, go for it. 

I am on a new tack nowadays - I am beginning to relish the tears and keep them to myself. 

Well, it's a connection of sorts, my problem is I know Andy's dead, but I don't think he will ever be gone.

And actually, it's not a problem anymore, I just accept it.

Must get off this website, it helps sometimes, but then I find it's 2am or some ridiculous time, and it makes me tired and weak the next day.

Onwards, little Pineapple. I am not going onwards and upwards, though - I suggest sideways to start xx

Claim the pain! 

I’ll try sideway! I’ll try anything to not be in this constant pain! X

Evening Bethany,

Sorry you find yourself here. It truly is the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Some days are better than others but I get so much support from this Forum and know that everyone knows exactly how I’m feeling.

I lost my Gary 11 weeks ago and find Sundays the worst. Maybe cos I’ve got too much time to think. I try to keep busy the rest of the week. Keeping busy is my salvation. 

There’s no magic bullet for dealing with this dreadful period in our lives but we have to carry on for our husbands and partners because they didn’t have the chance. 

I’m hoping time eases the gut-wrenching pain that comes with losing your soulmate. I think it will. 

Take care and be kind to yourself,

Peigi xx 

Yes, Peigi, well said. I saw how he fought to stay alive, and I looked into his eyes until the very last second and he did not want to go. Life is so precious and I would rather be alive and in pain than not at all, even this pain. xx

Oh gosh I can feel the raw pain screaming out of my screen. It is gut wrenching but at the same time I take comfort that I am not alone in feeling utterly wretched.

Bethany so sorry for your loss. I am pretty sure many of us here share your thoughts of not wanting to ‘move on’, I honestly think that’s one of the worst comments others can make. True love lasts forever and we will never stop loving our partners just because they have died. I personally will always consider myself married to Clive and will never move on. I may in time learn to ‘move forward’ carrying my grief with me, but time will tell. I want the world to stop so I can get off but I know Clive would want me to keep going so that one day I can do some of the things we used to do together as he no longer gets to.

Life can be cruel and I can honestly say I don’t enjoy mine anymore. Happiness has left me but I strongly feel the need to find a way to enjoy the little things one day, in the hope that somehow Clive can enjoy them too as I will carry him in my heart forever.

Please do whatever feels right for you but if you do wish to post again you will never be judged here for your thoughts. We get it.

Julie x

Yes we are all hurting so much. I am hoping and praying that all of us will find a way through this pain. And, no, not to move on with our lives but in order to be able to move forward. Moving on and moving forward are two different things. We need to move forward because, well, we are still here and I know that our partners would want us to be as okay as we can be under the circumstances and not ever find something like contentment again. 

I think it was Dorothy who said that she saw how much her partner fought to stay alive. This is so different from the experience I had with my Paul who, when he was close to his death, had become so overwhelmed with the suffering that life in this physical body had become for him that he really and truly wanted to go, something which I encouraged him to do when the time had come. 

I wouldn't want my life to be over today or any time soon, even though I very often don't know what I am doing here without my Paul. But I feel that there are still things that are beautiful - or should I say again - and that my being here makes others happy too and I am happy to make a difference in people's lives with the work I do. But I wouldn't want my life at nay cost. I'd rather not be here if I had to go through the dreadful pain and suffering my lovely Paul had to go through and I so understand why he didn;t want to do it anymore.

Love, Mel.