Optician Visit Tears

Hi Peter

I’m fairly new to this with my husband passing only a week ago but from what I can gather reading earlier posts this is very normal. 
I’m glad you are able to come on here and express how you feel. I certainly get exactly what that was like for you at the opticians. Not necessarily a place you’d expect to start you off and then bang there it is! 
They do say time helps and I hope so because I’m longing for this awful achy pain, the elephant on my chest, this constant sickly feeling and loneliness to ease! 
I cant ever at this point, imagine it going. 
xx

Hello. It's 140 days since I lost my husband. One of the unexpected things that tipped me over the edge was seeing Frosties on the shelves on one of my rate trips to the supermarket. We'd struggled to get them all through lockdown for some strange reason and now I didn't need to worry any more. Seems it's the strangest and most unexpected things that can reduce us to tears. You're not alone.

Take care xx

Good morning,

7 weeks today for me, Tuesday at 12 noon not a good time, plan to go for a walk at that time today.

Food is a big trigger for me, for the 12 weeks he was in hospital he ate very little, one special diet to next. When he came home for end of life care (11 weeks) diets were out of the window, he ate everything, enjoyed a fish and chip, I smile, my diet went out of window too. Everything high calorie, and anything he wanted, I remember hot sausage rolls were a hit, off I would go. Anything he wanted. I spent a lot of time ensuring Tesco's delivered just what he fancied.

Now he not here, the food in the cupboards hurts so much his cereal, his crisps, I hate marmalade, brown sauce, beetroot. Everywhere I look.

I do smile and cry and think how lucky we were to have them 11 weeks at home, we muddled through together. But just wish he was here, I know it selfish but would be happy even if he not well. Just a bit longer.

Sending strength to everyone.

Love Donna x

Oh ChilliChilli, I know what you mean about food in cupboards. Chris lost his appetite before going into hospital for those last awful 10 days so I’d stocked up on all sorts of favourites- tinned rice pudding and semolina, Spam, fish fingers, fig biscuits, tins of vegetable soup and Scotch Broth- the local food bank did well out of it! But I stood and wept when I opened the cupboard doors the first time. 
Like you, just wanted longer. 
Take care, sending hugs

xx

I’m about to do the same thing, take all the food I bought he never ate into the food bank! 

I think we all wanted more time. Doesn’t matter the age, how long we did or didn’t have them in our lives beforehand we have ALL lost our other half, the one person only we knew as our partner like nobody else. 
My David was only ‘with us’ on and off since the day he was taken into hospital on 9th February to the day we married on 25th February. Just bits of him being able to understand but never eating anything other than ice-pops! I had a freezer full, I’ve thrown them out now and never want to see one again! 

love to you all xx

Hello Peter,

it's difficult doing these things on our own now but it has to be done at some point because we need to look after our own well-being without reassurance from our other half who would generally go to appointments with us. I had to ring to cancel an opticians appointment for Colin so took a deep breath, rang the number and an answerphone came on. I babbled on that the appointment was no longer needed etc etc, and put the phone down and cried . They rang back shortly afterwards to acknowledge the call and let me know there would be no more correspondence from them gave their condolences., they were very kind I thought. 

 Stay safe and be kind to yourself 

Hi MyPineapple, thank you for replying, sorry to hear that you have joined this group.   One week this is so new and so much to take in the enormity of it all.

As for time, it does ease just now and again I get tripped up by grief unexpectedly which suppose will happen from time to time.

Take care and look after yourself.

Peter xx

Hi BootsyD, 

That’s very true I need to get used visiting places like this on my own.  Funny enough I have the dentist next, but hopefully will be better prepared this time mentally.

Lovely thing the optician did calling you back, dignified and courteous.

Take care 

Peter xx

Well I’ve got an appointment at the opticians tomorrow and am not sure how I’m going to cope without Chris being there. It’s not that he was a great deal of help when it came to choosing new frames- ‘Well they’re just glasses’ being his usual comment followed by ‘Well which do you like?’ But it’s another thing to tackle on my own. 
Good to know that others find these things difficult and it’s not just me. 
Sending hugs

xx

Hi Peter,

I never used to cry in front of people but lost count now when all of a sudden tears flow wherever you are in the first couple of years.

I just replied to Owl58, it is now over 2 years for me and only now I actually feel lighter (not weight wise, but that's another story!).

Saying that I still get you! Last time tears flowed for me was on a walk last Sunday. This immense sadness came all of a sudden what felt like out if the blue. I am learning to accept thats how I feel at that given moment but it still catches you by surprise. 

Hope you are taking care of yourself (another one that's kind of hard to do at times!).

Night night and with lots of love,

Dutsie x