Play it again Sam.

Hi Owl

I also still have my   my husbands ashes here with me, i have to say it brings me some comfort this is still his home.

He was a HGV driver and always said if any thing happens to him scatter him on the M25 well that is some thing i could not do.

I have told my children wait till it is mine turn and as we had a cruise planned but never ever got there because he was so ill,for one of them to take a cruise and we both will go with them.

My hubby was also into his music, and his joke was if i went first he would play  Great Balls of Fire, i hope he was joking.

I can not think of a song as yet of lying next to him and taking his last breath. We both had what we called our songs i play them but cry, with happiness  they had a special meaning in them for us.

Power of :Love Jennifer Rush

Drifters Save the Last Dance for me.

and Woman John Lennon. Showing my age now we where married 53years.

Take Care Ellie x

Hi Owl This one was a great comfort to me a while back JOSH  GROBAN   To where you are  with lyricsEllie

Hello Owl and Ellie

I still have my husbands ashes too- they’re by the patio door overlooking the garden, which was his pride and joy and the bird feeders which he used to sit and watch while he had his morning* coffees.

Songs- now there’s a challenge. Our song was When Will I See You Again (Three Degrees)- I asked him to dance to that when we first met (19th July 1974) But other songs that reduce me to tears Our House (Madness) Thank-you for the Music (ABBA) Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow ( Carole King, in fact the whole Tapestry album is a struggle) Sunny Afternoon (The Kinks) . I could go on- we’ve always had the radio on or music playing so the list is extensive. There’s a whole list of sixties music that he loved and had been collecting on vinyl 45s thanks to our son who works in a music shop. I also play in a ukulele group and Chris always came to watch us play so there’s a lot of songs there that are going to be hard to play in the group. 

The power of music is strong

Virtual hugs

xx 

Hi all,

It’s nearly 3 months for me. I had most of my hubby’s ashes interred in a churchyard at a plot where his dad’s ashes were interred, also where his great grandparents were buried. It was a special place to him so we can continue to visit. I have a few left which I shall scatter on the grounds where we married 20 years  ago and also some in a special place in Cornwall when I go in September with his daughter and our grandson.

Special songs (played at funeral) are John Denver’s ‘Annie’s song’ and ‘leaving on a jet plane’ as well as Neil Diamond’s ‘play me’.  We also loved the Eagles.  Although they can make me sad I try to think of happier times, we used to play these songs when we were on our many road trips driving through America.

Clive would not want me to wallow for too long. His life was cut short at just 52 and he never accepted his life would end (he was still having treatment when he died). We did not talk about him dying so I never had final wishes from him. But I know he would be pretty peeved at not being able to enjoy life anymore, just the simple things. So I now owe it to him to try and enjoy it for both of us and not waste whatever life remains for me. At 47 that could be quite a while so I need to find a way to adjust to my new life and learnt to move forward with my grief and honour my husband by doing things he would love.

Sorry that went on a bit xx

Thank you so much. Such a wonderful response. I have listened to your music and while most of it makes me cry I am so glad you shared it with me. I don’t think anyone can know how losing the love of your life can hollow you out unless they have been through it. I get a great deal of comfort reading others experience on this site. To anyone who reads but does not post I recommend you giving it a try to share your feelings. We need each other. Now I’m going to put my headphones on and listen to some Patsy Cline. I’m not that old - I just like her

I’m glad that it helps, even if just a bit. Your comment about being ‘hollowed out’ resonates with me so much. Sometimes I struggle to put into words how I feel since losing my hubby but that is a good description. 
My heart has been drained of any feeling and feels cold instead of the warmth that used to be there. Over time I am hoping that I can navigate my way into a new life alongside my grief, find joy in little things and enjoy new experiences that can help warm up my heart a little again.

xxx

Hi Owl58,

I don't come in this site often now and came straight to your post. My husband and I always used to quote from movies all the time, so your "title"made me smile!

My husband's ashes are in my garden. It's kind of nice that I can still go down to my garden and chat to him. In the early days when I was facing difficult days running the business we started together; I used to start the day by going to my garden and saying "Richard, I can do this"

It's now just over 2 years for me and I can say something changed in the way I was reacting to the world around me. It sort of felt lighter ....saying that I still miss Richard very much.and found tears flowing whilst I went for a  walk last Sunday. I just missed him so much that day. Maybe because I have been chatting to a guy online for months and met him the day before. I don't think it is guilt, more about the life I have left behind I think. I have been upfront that all I can offer is friendship but who knows where this will go...

Overall, I am okay (can't wait for lockdown to be lifted as living on your own is tough, especially when there is a loss involved)).  I thought, I should pop in and atleast say "hi" to people I recognise and hopefully, give hope to people that are in that raw stage in the early days. You do learn to cope with it better, in time, but we all have our own pace and ways to deal with it. 

The song I listened to a lot in the early days (that made me cry, "brokenness inside" bit) and now, still find healing is "I am Light".

https://youtu.be/ism8dBjxKvc

I used to just lie on my back (savasna pose, if anyone practices yoga) or just lie in bed!

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Bramblejoo 3 months is still raw. I started to keep a journal for the simple reason that I could not talk about my feelings. 3 months after his death  I wrote ‘the emptiness is huge. Endless. Every day every hour. I look around and have to remind myself that he is dead’. Now 15 months later I just feel like this is it. Dull pointless plodding. Don’t get me wrong. I walk my dogs and they make me smile. I look after my grandchildren as I’m in their bubble and I know I am lucky. But I am not whole and everything is through the prism of him and what I have lost. 
Dutsie - I am light’ is lovely. Good luck with the potential new love. Who knows. Maybe I’ll be there some day

Hi Owl58,

Yes I have been keeping a diary since before Clive died, it does help. I completely agree with the empty feeling. Already after 3 months I can get small enjoyment out of a long walk with my dog or just sitting with a coffee at home. I’m in a bubble with my stepdaughter and husband so get to see them and our grandson too which is lovely. He makes me smile. But I feel like the smile no longer reaches my eyes or my heart. There is a constant ‘hollowness’ within me and a sense that I’m going through the motions. 
I have actually booked a cottage in Cornwall for May, just me and the dog. A place that meant a lot to me and my hubby. I shall probably cry the whole way there and a lot of that week, but I’m hoping I can spend some time alone thinking of Clive and at least get some enjoyment of just waking around places that we both loved x

Hi all 

I’ve just watched Susan Calman in the Lakes and she went to all the places that we went. It was lovely but heartbreaking too.  I miss him soo much xx