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Oh my pineapple 

I am so very sorry to hear your story & that you’ve joined us all here. What a rollercoaster you’ve been through. I am so glad that you did get to marry your Dave in-spite of everything that was thrown at you both. I hope that gives you comfort.

my husband also died of kidney cancer, it’s a nasty one with few symptoms if any until it’s well established. It seems to go undetected for so long.  I know you wanted longer together, there are lots of us that are similar age (I was 45, my husband 50 when he died) & my heart goes out to you. 

All you can do is take it one day at a time, you’re be busy arranging & doing for now , it’s hard to believe that it’s actually happened but I hope you find it helps posting on here & that you let us support you too 

Big hugs coming your way 

Sarah xx

Thank you so much Sarah. Can I ask how long ago your husband died? Xx

Hi there,

I am heart sorry to hear your story and offer you my sincere condolences. It is a pain like no other and I don’t have anything to say to make you feel better but I do understand exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. My story is very similar to yours and I lost my lovely Gary on Xmas Day after a 15 month battle with the bastard that is cancer (oesophageal with bone mets in our case). 

We got together when I was 44 and he was 35. 9 year age difference but it was never of any importance. We had 16 wonderful years together and I feel cheated that we didn’t get much longer together and that Gary didn’t get to carry on enjoying his life to the full as he had been doing. Like you too we got married latterly - in hospital in our case - as Gary’s illness progressed so much in the final stages. We had been due to marry later on this month but were advised by the medics to bring the wedding forward. I understand how difficult that would have been for you but can tell you that it would have given Dave such a lift. Like your husband, my Gary sort of let go after that and he died 8 days later in hospital with me beside him.  

Life does go on however and you will find strength from somewhere to pull you through these very dark days. The funeral planning gave me something to focus on and I hope it does for you too. After the funeral comes the official stuff and again I was really glad to have that and after a while realised that I was no longer sobbing down the phone when making calls to the bank, etc.

Everyone deals with grief differently and there is no right nor wrong way. Do what’s right for you and be happy that you had that time together even though it was nothing like long enough. 

I’m finding that the pain is less raw now and  that I can function reasonably well after 10 weeks. It doesn’t take much to set me off though and today hasn’t been great to be honest. 

Its good that you’ve found this forum because we're all in the same boat and understand each other. I don’t post very much but I do check in most days and I’m always here (as are the others) if you want to sound off or rant or anything. 

Take care and look after you now. Sending a great big virtual hug,

Peigi xx 

It will be 3 years ago end of May. Only symptom was back ache, we had 2 MRI scans both showed normal wear & tear of spine, put down to his job -he was a builder- & then one day he said pain was in his side. By then, the cancer had engulfed his right kidney, adrenal gland & he had lung mets too so it was incurable at diagnosis. 
I still find it hard to accept & I can remember how raw it was to begin with, I used to question, did it even happen? You almost feel like you’ve imagined it, it’s too big a thing to get your head round. 
I also found I didn’t remember anything from before he was unwell for about 9 months after his death .... if that happens to you don’t worry,  good memories will eventually come back.

Good advice Peigi. I’m very sorry for your loss xx

I am struggling, I have no words, just tears but want you to know I am reading. Take care 

love Donna

Oh Donna I’m struggling too it’s too painful. Can we help each other? X

Thank you so much Peigi for sharing all that. It’s sad that hearing others suffering the same helps us. I wish to God none of us had too. 
I want to sleep and wake up when it won’t hurt so much. 
I’m glad I reached out on here today. Xx

Oh that all makes so much sense!! YES I feel I’ve imagined all this and yes trying to remember before these past two awful months is hard. 
I keep thinking Dave will walk in and I can say, my God you’ll never believe what has just been happening! I told him everything! Probably too much, everything I felt. 

I don't find the site easy, but if you click on the persons name it goes to their profile. I find by reading them there are so many similarities.

So I am 6 weeks 4 days down the line and still want to wake up and it be a bad dream (nightmare)

Fed up with people telling me I doing amazing, that they wouldn't be able to cope, that it's normal, that it still early days, I know they mean well, but I still have too live the nightmare 

Funeral over, paperwork slowed down and phone calls are very few, everyone moved on and getting back to normal except me. I left with pain too hard to bare.

Love Donna x