So tomorrow is Chris’ birthday, he would have been 68. I honestly feel this is the most difficult first that I have had to face in the 137 days since I lost him. By many people’s standards we celebrated birthdays quietly. But we always went somewhere special to us- York last year for his- and would have a good meal out and generally make a fuss of the birthday person. Son 1 will be joining me, technology means that we will be speaking to son 2 in the States. We are going to try and celebrate his life- we’re having his favourite food and drink but oh, how it will hurt. I miss him so much- that stone in my chest is very heavy and sharp right now.
I wonder if I will hear from either of his sisters who haven’t spoken to me since before Christmas. The occasional text or email is the only contact I’ve had with them. That hurts too, especially the sister that he worried about and was closest to. I really thought she’d keep in touch but I guess she’s grieving too. And to be fair, his family don’t do keeping in touch, they never have. It always struck me as strange.
I’m aware that I’ve started to waffle but I guess I’ve lots of emotion buzzing round my head and heart tonight. I’m determined to be strong, to smile some of the time tomorrow and to remember the amazing man I’ve lost who just didn’t understand the hole he would leave behind.
Thank you for being there Xx
