Small talk

I know what you mean about small talk my mum started calling me every day since neil passed away in November at first it was to make sure that I spoke to someone and to see if i was coping but with her being on her own it is more for her than me . some times I would just like a day To myself but I haven't got the heart to tell her so i just have to sit there and listen to her waffling on for 2 hrs each night about tv programs i don't care about or what other family members are doing 

Thanks, just read your profile, how truly devastating for you. How can life be so cruel?

Our ordeal started June 2020, can't believe this time last year we were oblivious to what the year ahead had in store

Take care x

It is strange to think this time last year me and Neil were just making plans for doing up the house and planning day trips out when the fist lock down was over thankfully I have work to keep me busy for 7 hrs a day where I can pretend like everything is normal 

I’ve found today a hard one and found myself thinking the same thing. This time last year we were full of plans for 2020, then lockdown hit. Foolishly we still thought our plans for May (trip to USA to see youngest son) would happen, and we’d definitely be able to go on our annual trip to Norfolk in July and then an autumn trip to the Lakes. Little did we know that by the end of July our lives would be ripped apart and that by October I’d have lost the most important person in my life. 
My advice, almost 4 months on, would be to take each day slowly. Some days getting up, dressed and remembering to eat at regular intervals is the most you’ll achieve. And that’s okay. 

Take care

xx

We had a trip to Toronto boojed for the April and when it was cancelled due to covid we was disappointed, not realising our lives were going to get horrendously worse.

Tonight I am back to, could of anything been done differently? Should somebody of told me? Did he get the care he needed? I now look back there were signs his body was shutting down and I thought he would turn it around. How naïve of me. I need answers don't know where to turn to get them and will it tell me anything I don't already know?

I am at a loss, I am better some days than others.

Ta x

Oh ChilliChilli, I know just what you mean about could things have been done differently. I torture myself about signs that were, with the wisdom of hindsight, indications that things weren’t right- but he’d often suffered from a bad back after a long stint of gardening or decorating, both of which he did lots of during lockdown. His hip had given him problems on and off for years again when he’d been doing physical work and he always lost a bit of weight in the summer, again when he would spend hours doing physical work in the garden.

Its so hard and like I said, today’s not been a particularly good day.

take care

xx

Just a little update, afterr more sleepless nights, I called Macmillan support line and came up with a discision. I have written to PALS at the hospital where Rob was for 12 weeks, not complaining but asking if somebody can review the care to see if anything could have been done differently and asked some questions, and what should have been put in place for home Ta x

Hi all, 

My amazing husband died 10 weeks ago after a year long battle with stomach cancer. He was 52. Like a lot do you I have spent many an hour questioning my actions and whether I did everything I could have done to help him and whether it would have made any difference. Ultimately I know that I did everything I could to care for him in that time but of course it’s only natural to doubt yourself, it’s just that we were all so desperate to keep our partners alive. Sometimes it’s just not possible.

The medical care my husband received was wonderful, everyone we had any contact with was so helpful and did all they could to help my husband. Even when he passed away he had still be receiving treatment to try and keep him going as long as possible. I honestly cannot fault them. And to think that all this amazing service is given to us for free never ceases to amaze me, I shall be forever grateful. Without their help I would have lost him much sooner I am sure.

But I realise not everyone gets the same leave of care so chillichilli if you have any concerns at all it is right that you raise it. We are all human after all and even experts in their field can drop the ball and make mistakes.

My thoughts go out to all of you going through this hellish grieving process, we are all currently living a life that we never wanted or expected, but have no choice but to live. I live in hope tjst one day I will find a way to enjoy life again and continue to do the things that my hubby loved, and will always talk about him and keep his memory alive.

x

I hope you get some satisfaction from writing to Pals. I did that as I was unhappy with my husband's misdiagnosis and care. I got tuts and sympathy but I am still pissed off by it and I hate the place. I had to go there for my covid jab, I nearly went again as I found it too hard to go in and I don't trust them! My asthma exacerbated a while back and when I said to my GP I would never go in there as a patient, he was horrified and said what will I do if I get I'll. I said I would go to my dad's and go to a different hospital! I have to go back for my second jab soon and part of me is very doubtful. I actually don't believe that the vaccine is the answer and was unwell from the first one. 

On the subject of small talk, I get really irritated by all the lockdown and covid talk. I gets loads of it in my job and sometimes I just want to say I actually don't care any more and fed up with hearing it!!! But I can't!!! 

Hope everyone is well. Not seen some of the old regulars on here for awhile 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi chillichilli 

this is really helpful for me I have some questions I need answering didn’t know where to turn to xx hope you get some answers xx sending you a big virtual hug xx i think it’s leaves us stuck at that time if we don’t know the answers I know for me play it over and over in my head x