Don't want to let go of my wife

Hi Frank T 

It is hard coming to terms that your life has changed forever I have lost people in the past but it was nothing like loosing your partner your hole life changes everything you do every day reminds you that they are not there and plans that we made for the future will not happen i always thought me and my husband would grow old together but now I am widowed at 41 life sometimes isn't fair 

I find this group has really helped me as life goes back to normal for our friends and family i can still talk on here when I am having a down day and every one understands there isn't a time limit on grieving 

Hi frankT

I lost my lovely husband last August we were married for 47 years, have a daughter and 2 sons and 6 amazing grandchildren,  i see a lot of them as we all live within 2 miles of each other . But despite  tgat tbe loneliness andvpain i feel, and yes it is a physical pain as well as emotional is at time unbearable,  i cant even think of a future without him in it. I have left everything the same,  his shelf in the bathroom has all his bits his wardrobe  is exactly as he left it, im broken,  its only my wonderful family that keep me going, i can only take a day at a time, its early days for you ss well, i just hope with time our pain  lessens and our wonderful memories can takeover,  but for now i thinkwe just have to get through each day the best we can. I speak with our priest which i find helpfulas you do with the counselling.  Take care.

Sorry for the mistakes in message 

Hi kate 41, 

Your so right in what you said,  there isn't a time limit on grieving,  sometime people who haven't been through what we have try, probably with good intentions to  rush you through the grief.  Take care.

Thank you for the response Bluebell, it's reassuring to me that you have left things as they were. I don't know when I'll be ready to make changes or decisions about my wife's things. Covid 19 has made things far more challenging as well - just when the distraction of getting out and seeing others might be helpful.

I wonder if I'm trying to rush myself through the grief; having read about the 'stages of grief' I wonder where I am on the journey. . . 

Appreciate the response and I'd much rather have a response than not - mistakes and all! Thank you.

Thanks Kate, those plans for the future hurt. We had things in mind as our children had grown up, had partners and lives of their own; we were ready to do so many things. . . I hope this group is a help for me too.

Thank you for your response.

Hi FrankT,

You will never be letting down your wife by carrying on, as you will never be erasing her memory and ‘moving’ on. In time you will (hopefully) just find a way to continue living your life but taking your wife with you in your heart. Love lasts a lifetime so you don’t ever stop thinking about them or loving them just because they are not physically with us.

I watched something on YouTube which my brother sent me. It is a TED talk called ‘when someone you love dies, there is no such thing as moving on’, it is by someone called Kelley Lynn who lost her husband. To me she makes a lot of sense. People who have never lost a partner just don’t know how to deal with us as the subject of death and grief make them uncomfortable. Even though it happens to us all.

You are doing amazing in such a short time.

x

Hi all

its been 9 months for me since my husband died. It is hard to accept that your life has changed and nothing will ever be the same. I was alone with my husband at the end and I relive that every day, maybe not as vividly now. 
Despite having friends and family I feel so alone. The person who knew me inside out, who always had my back isn’t here and it’s heartbreaking.

I am grateful for having had 33 years together and lots of lovely memories but sometimes it feels like it was all a dream. 
Grief comes in waves, some days are better than others.

It’s good that we can post our thoughts and feelings here, knowing that others understand xx

Hello all. It’s three months since I lost my husband. We’d been married for 44 years, together for 46, since I was 19. Like many of you, I’m finding it hard to believe/ accept that our lives together are over. We’d both been retired for about four years but we had so many things planned, especially after 2020 where we, like everyone else, had to cancel so many things. There have been many hard and horrid things to do but one of the worst was cancelling the holiday for 2021 that was the postponed holiday from 2020. (Does that make sense?) Will I ever feel brave enough to revisit a place that holds so many special memories on my own? Who knows? 
I am still at the point of taking each day, often each hour as it comes. Today has not been a good day, I’ve felt very emotional but tomorrow might be better- I never know until I wake up. I am trying hard to remember the happier times and the wonderful memories we built together. This group really helps especially when I’m having a ramble of muddled confused thoughts. Thank you for being there.

xx

Bramblejoo, I might try and watch that Ted talk in the next day or two. X

Hi Bramblejoo,

Thanks for responding, your first paragraph is really helpful. I'd never thought about just taking her with me anyway and your comments about always loving them is so true it's a wonderful help.

I'm going to look for that TED talk- it sounds like something I need to hear.

Thanks again for responding and it is so good to know there are others going through this confusion of emotions.