Dear all,
Sadly, my husband passed away peacefully at home with Malignant Melanoma last Saturday. He was diagnosed 6 and a half years ago.
He was never a sunworshipper but he was pale and had a lot of moles. The cancer was caused by a mole in his lower back which was very dark and raised. When I noticed this it was not on time unfortunately. We were both very naive about skin cancer and moles. We only had the yearly summer holiday and I was the one who used to sunbathe while he used to go to the shade. I used to be a sunworshipper when I was younger in my 20s and 30s. but not as I got older. I have olive skin and have occasionally used sunbeds in the past. Why did he get the cancer and not me?.
I wish I got familiarised with his moles and this did not happen. Unfortunately, it was too late. He was doing really well with Inmunotherapy but had a bad reaction with his liver and had to stop. He fought the disease to nearly the very end. He was kind, caring and have a positive life attitude. We were together for 29 years.
I am dealing with the feeling of guilt because I think about this constantly. Trying to keep busy and do good things.
A few years before he was diagnosed, a lady we both used to go to have a massage told him to have his moles checked. He did mention this when he got home but as he recently had other moles checked in his face and it was clear and he had so many moles in his lower back, I did not notice it then as my awareness of Skin cancer was limited. He also blamed himself for not listening to the massage lady as she is obviously more aware of these things than me. I only wish I was there with him while he had the massage and told him to have it checked.
When, he was diagnosed I did have a meltdown which did not help the situation.
We made the most of each day, staying positive, enjoyed ourselves and carry on with life. We also stopped going away on sunny holidays during the Summer, doing more exercise, eating a healthy diet and he fought the disease with a positive attitude. Did all the right things to help him.
Sadly, I cannot change things.
I wonder if there are other people in the group who are also dealing with the same guilt feeling of missing moles? If anyone would like to share similar experiences/coping advices please write to me. Feeling heartbroken and very very sad for him. Thank you.
