I feel really cr*p

Sending hugs. It hurts so much, I share your pain. X

Life is absolute rubbish for us all right now. But that’s okay, it’s still so new and we’re just trying to muddle our way through. You’re doing the right thing being closer to your daughter I’m sure.

covid makes this so much harder as we are missing hugs that I’m sure we all desperately need. But let’s face it, the one person we really need a hug from has gone. Just over a month since I lost my husband. At the moment I’m getting worse not better but every day I’m managing to get out of bed, get dressed and eat so that’s something.

Let’s keep going and supporting one another x

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes.

You're right when you say to people you're fine when you're not...it does hurt and nothing is fine.

I really don't know where I am at the moment, so many emotions which can change in seconds.  3 weeks since I lost my husband and everybody says to me this is how it will be... but unless you have been through it they have no idea how awful and how scary life is.

So just letting you know that we are here for each other and sending you a hug xx

Hello again Pooka. That word ‘fine’ is a strange one. A close friend of mine, who struggled when she lost her mum eight years ago, had counselling. Her counsellor told her that we use the word ‘fine’ when things are actually anything but. But most people hear it as a positive. And that’s stuck with me- I know that I use fine as a cover for how I’m really feeling, and I have friends that have done the same. I try not to use the word fine, especially with my closest friends  but it’s not always easy. I know sometimes I say fine because I’m scared of opening the floodgates. But I have friends who recognise that. 
That ramble probably doesn’t help your pain go away and really it’s your relatives that need to know ‘fine’ isn’t always as positive as it sounds. 

Take care x

I think I’ve purposely tried not avoid the use of ‘fine’. To start with I said I was ‘heartbroken’, then ‘muddling through’. But since the funeral in Friday I’ve just said I’m ‘struggling’, because that’s the truth. I guess sometimes we worry that people might think we’re going to do something silly if we talk about not wanting to go on, but that is honestly how I feel. I’ve made it clear I will of course go on but just feel it’s important to express openly and honestly how I’m feeling rather than holding it in.

x

Struggling sums up exactly how I feel, in fact that’s what I’ve said to a couple of friends in the last day or two. 
Take care 

Thanks for your support and hugs to you all...

It's strange how initially everyone  calls asking how you are.. to which my standard answer was "Getting there" now, they must all think ' I got there' as no one seems to  ask with any sincerity now. It's easier to just say fine to the half hearted questions asked because they think they should rather than genuine concern.

Just weeks after losing our loved one people think you should be ready to be over it..  

• It’s something we will never ‘get over’. How is it even possible? We just have to learn to keep moving forward and find a new way to carry on living without them. I don’t really want that option but then what’s the alternative??

Life will just be less happy than the old version. I carry around an instant inner sadness with me now which is hard to get used to when I’ve always been a happy positive person. But I just hope and pray that one day I will be able to be happy again, and also give myself permission to do so without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Hugs to you all x

My husband passed away at home in November and after a period of complete numbness I'm getting worse. I'm glad you talked about getting up, getting dressed etc as this is my checklist of positive things I can do each day. I'm not back to work yet and the pressure of what I should be doing and what I feel capable of are two different things. We were together for 36 years married for 32. I go over the final months, weeks & days thinking I should have done this or that but I know I did my best. I miss him so much it's a physical pain.

Hi pooka I'm so sorry for the passing of your husband and the heartache you are going through at the moment it's such a short  time since your loss and making a big move to be closer to your daughter is good  for you lonely is not good , I'm still in home I shared with my love and wish she would come home everyday , sorry for that , just wanted to say hope it goes well the moving and you find some comfort always in our hearts x