What now?

Sending hugs. 

Hi Bramblejoo

I dont have any words of wisdom for you I'm afraid as I'm feeling the same as you.  

I'm finding that the phone calls are becoming less frequent as people go back to their lives, which is what happens I suppose...and Im stuck with this life which I dont want and no future. And as for covid and lockdown, this is like the final twist of the knife. The only thing that was getting me through my nightmare was seeing people and getting out...and my dog.

Life just seems one long journey of emptiness without my soulmate.  We had no warning of his illness, only 2 weeks from diagnosis to him going...and now I'm a widow.

I'm a logical, practical person normally so am hoping it will all get easier to cope with in time...but time goes so slowly now, whereas when John was here there never seemed enough hours in the day to do everything we wanted to!

So, sending hugs to you, cos that's all I can do at the moment and just letting you know that you're not alone xx

Sorry, my turn to ramble

Hi Sarah 21

I to find the calls from friends are less now, as you say i suppose everyone has to get on with  life,i know exactly what you mean about the emptiness  and how everything seems slow and meaningless,  i was married for 47 years so its like I've lost half of me, the future scares me. But everyone on this group understands so its good to talk and ramble,  and hopefully in time our pain my ease a little.  Take care xx

Hi Sarah21,

Thanks for your lovely words, not a ramble at all. It’s good to get our thoughts out there. 
I still get a fair few calls and texts but I’m sure that will drop off as the weeks go by. I still have another 4 weeks signed off sick and then I guess I need to try and face some sort of reality, but right now that doesn’t feel right at all. My head is trying to process so much stuff. I’m missing my hubby terribly, keep thinking about all the good times and what we’re going to miss out on. I’m trying to work out what to do when I go back to work, reduced hours and by how much, what will work for me. I’m trying to decide whether to drop a whole day to help take care of my baby grandson or whether right now I’d find the responsibility too overwhelming. And the one person I could really do with talking it all through with has gone.

So tough. And to top it off it’s my birthday Friday and I’ll be waking up alone for the first time in years without my man greeting me. We always took the day off on our birthdays and went for a lovely walk together x