What now?

Hi

i don’t have any words of wisdom but I an still here almost 9 months on and can’t quite believe it.

It is still very early days for you and you are doing brilliantly, you are allowed to feel like this sometimes. I try very hard to be positive but it doesn’t work all the time. 
I too long for my husband and the life we should be living together but then I read other posts and I feel extremely grateful that we had 32 years.

I now realise that what I took for granted was very special indeed, although my friends used to say our relationship was unique. 
We are very lucky that we have loved and been loved and that will always remain. 
Your life will be different, it can’t be any other, but you are here and we must go on for them, they tried so hard to stay with us.

Sending you a big hug xx

Thanks so much. I just can’t seem to stop crying today. We shared the most amazing life and were devoted to one another. Although we only had 23 years together we packed in so much into that time. We took every opportunity to do something fun and memorable and shared such an amazing love. Somehow that makes it all feel so much worse that I know we would have continued to have the best life and it’s been cruelly taken away far too soon x

Bless you. Life isn’t fair. 
As you say, you packed lots into your time together and have some great memories, these will comfort you.

When you have your soulmate no amount of time together is enough xx

I know this is not for everyone but I see a medium if you can find a good one. I have found it helps me hope this helps

Not for me Ian but thanks anyway. I’m sure it may be helpful to some. X

I don’t have any wise words but I do understand how you feel. Although my husband and I had both retired, we still had so many plans for the future. And like many of us, I guess, we’d spent much of the last summer cancelling plans due to COVID but planning the things we were going to do when life went back to normal. Now my normal is going to be something I never in my worst nightmares expected it to be. Like you, I’m normally the positive one- but I’m finding it very hard to feel positive about what lies ahead. 
I agree with others, who have said that what you’re feeling is to be expected and it is still early days. I’m a little further on the journey than you are but still sit and sob at regular intervals. I’ve decided to stop worrying about that. My husband was part of my life for over 46 years, but I don’t think it matters how long we have with our wonderful husbands- it’s about the life we shared and the fact that it’s been taken away from us. And it’s never enough time, is it?
I hope that in time the memories that you (and I) have will hurt a little less and start to provide some comfort. 

Take care

x
PS I feel I’ve just rambled my way through a response but I’m afraid it’s one of those evenings for me today x

Hi - I’ve just read your profile and it’s heartbreaking. We had 15 months between Gary’s diagnosis and his passing on Christmas Day. It truly was a rollercoaster journey with incredible highs (when he overcame the primary tumour with chemo) to the utter lows with the fear and shock that the cancer had metastasised to his spine late summer. From there on in it was relentless and although he put up the fight of his life, we lost him just over 2 weeks ago. I was with him when he passed (as were his parents and brother) and that gives me some comfort but I know it’s not always like that. Like your husband, Gary hated smoking and had never even tried a cigarette in his life yet his cancer is common in heavy smokers, I’ll never understand it, he was strong and fit and had never had a days illness in his life before his diagnosis. 

I gave up my work/career to care for Gary and spend every minute I could with him. It was a big decision but one I’ve never regretted. And here I am now, a widow and jobless. I’m sure I’ll find something when the time is right but it’s not an ideal place to be at the start of a new year. 

I’m a survivor though and I’ll get through this. I just want my old life back which I suppose I took for granted. 

It’s good to rant and ramble on sometimes. I have support around me (well in so much as Covid allows) but it helps chatting to you guys because you’re living it too. I didn’t use the site much when Gary was here because I was usually too busy seeing to him but I’m glad I found it. I’ll keep on posting and following how you’re all getting on. 

Thank you CD girl. I know I took our life for granted too- believing we’d so much more time. My husband was only 67 and had always been healthy and fit. 
We all have gone through such heartbreak but there is so much support here from people experiencing similar situations. I have support from special friends and my boys but COVID doesn’t make it easy, does it? And  of course, the one person we’d all love a hug from, just isn’t there.

I've just read your profile, which is heartbreaking too. Take care

Thank you again

Please give yourself the chance and time for feeling bad

Hi Kenickiesmum, 

Like you i was with my wonderful husband for 47 years, i lost him in August and i feel totally broken in pieces, i was 19 when we met he was nearly 30, he was my world , i still cant think of a future without him, our sons and daughter and grandchildren have  een amazing but they are grieving to,its so hard, its a lifetime isn't it,  but as you said it doesn't matter how long your together,  the pain is yhe same, i to hope that in time the memories we have will  give us  comfort, i can only take one day at a time, but this group definitely helps, thank you all. Xx