Covid and funerals

Hi Sunsarah,

Oh I know that is awful. I have my husband’s funeral on Friday and I had to choose up to 30 of us who could come. It’s like picking who makes the cut! As it is we only had 26 and due to Covid some have had to drop out anyway either ill or can’t travel. But to be honest although I’d happily have 300 just to show my hubby how he was loved, he would have actually hated all the fuss and formality, and certainly wouldn’t have liked the wake so probably suits him that it will be small. Although having to all wear masks feels wrong but I get it.

You know if you want to just stay on the sofa then do it. If you were still doing it in a year then maybe I’d suggest getting some help but it’s early days so take the time to wallow if you need to. Generally I am function fairly well, able to do basic everyday things and have even spoke with friends and met one for a walk in between lockdowns! But I still feel empty inside and have my own time at home alone when I curl up on the sofa in my hubby’s sweatshirt and cry my eyes out. But then I’ll go to bed and start the next day afresh and do my best to do something positive. That’s what he would want and expect of me.

Be kind to yourself, I’m sure you’re doing better than you think you are. And don’t worry about the ‘how are you’ question, I’ve had it so many times as people don’t know what else to say. I just reply as honestly as I can and if I’m having a rubbish day then that’s what I’ll say. People just care xx

Hi Sunsarah and Bramblejo

I am at a similar stage as you both are...2 weeks since Iost my husband.

On the whole I am managing to function, on the outside anyway.  I cant sleep and dont want to really because when I did manage to I woke up and had forgotten that I've lost John...then it all cameback to me like a huge horrible wave. 

I feel empty inside, lost without my soulmate and feel I haven't got a future.

Yesterday I had an awful day, in tears most of the time...I miss him so much. But I thought that although it was a rubbish day, tomorrow is a new day, and I've been better today.

I feel for you with the funeral and covid.  My husband insisted he didn't want a fuss and wanted an unattended cremation, not sure how I feel about it but I have to respect his wishes.  So no funeral at all, which I suppose is easier for me in one way. I will have his ashes and can scatter them at a later date.

We all need to he kind to ourselves and take baby steps. If people ask me how I am  I tell them honestly and I've found nothing but kindness, people really do care.

Sending hugs xx

Hi bramblejoo and Sarah 21

just sending you both the biggest hug and love xxx  thinking of you both 

My husband's funeral was during a lockdown.. I was only allowed 20.  I paid for the live link but only gave it to people that I would have invited if I could have. My daughter created a beautiful Obituary booklet which she also put online so friends and family could flip the pages to read and see the photos we had chosen.

Mark hated fuss and being centre of attention but I think he would have been proud.  

To be honest there is part of me that felt it was better being able to invite people who truly deserved to be there rather than  loads of people who were not really all that close  or respected by my husband.

Sending you a big hug and remember not to put too much pressure on yourself.  x

I had Martin's funeral yesterday, there were 27 people there with about another 30 attending virtually with the link to the church. I like Pooka's comment on the restrictions meaning that the very closest family and friends got to be there. To be honest, I didn't really pay all that much attention to anyone attending, I sat down and I stared at Martin's coffin the whole way through it. I don't know where anyone else sat or who was in what bubble, but I did know that the people we loved the most in the world were there either in person or watching from home.

So you're not letting anyone down at all, this isn't about other people.

My plan is to have a memorial with the whole family in the future when we are all allowed to get together again (so no idea) and also do the same with our friends. I want to keep talking about and remembering Martin as often as I can. 

Whenever anyone asks me how I am (and I seem to get it a lot these days) I just reply the same each time "I'm still here". That's genuinely the best I can do, because if I told them the truth I might just get sectioned! 

Sending you a big hug xxx

My husband died 5 April and was buried on the 20th. The funeral director said 8 people can attend! Immediate family added up to 4 sons + 2 partners 4 siblings +1 partner Me, his mam + partner = 14! No service just straight to the graveside.  We had a celebrant and 2 pieces if music no wake, just me and the 4 lads + partners in the garden till very late evening. We hoped to have a 'do' for his birthday in October  but places were closed again!! Maybe when the year comes round we might be able to do something but won't hold my breath.

I still get upset every day 39 weeks on mostly at bedtime when I just need a cuddle-up with him 

I’ve now been told today (the day before my hubby’s funeral) that we can no longer have pallbearers due to new restrictions. So his brother, son, son in law and other family member no longer get to do this last thing for him. Not nice having to make those calls this morning but it is what it is. Bloody Covid.

x

Bramblejoo 

Some of the restrictions really don't make sense. I wasn't allowed to have pall bearers carry the coffin but they were allowed to lift  from the hearse, walk either side of the trolley with the coffin and help lift it in place in the Crematorium.

I had been told by a local hotel that as a funeral we were allowed to have afternoon tea for the funeral guests. They took full payment...then the day before the funeral they cancelled saying it wasnt permitted. I then found out they had a wedding at the hotel the same day!! To say I was angry and upset is an understatement. 

Oh God that’s awful about the hotel. Horrible how it all boils down to money and business! I guess there’s not a lot we can do about the current situation and I just take comfort in the knowledge that our loved ones will know we did our absolute best we could for them under the circumstances xx

Hi Bramblejoo

How distressing to be given this information so last minute. As if tomorrow isn’t difficult enough. Bloody COVID indeed. I hope that things go as smoothly as they can for you and the family and that you can remember the happier times. 
i have to say that I remember very little about the actual service for my wonderful husband other than I failed miserably to hold it together and had tears pouring down my face for most of it.

Thinking of you x