Hi everyone,
I spent Christmas with my daughter and partner as I'm 75 living alone and in our social bubble. I lost my sweet wife Anne 17months ago, we were married 50yrs. One evening as the drink flowed my daughter turned on me. She accused all my Facebook posts as attention seeking. Apparently its all about Me! Me! Me! This is because I've been expressing my deep hurt and feelings as I still grieve badly for my lost love one. My response was of mixed emotions ranging mostly at trying to reason with her, to a short outburst of anger and later a breakdown involving tears. I was completely wasting my time. She continued to ignore my every response and admitted she was a hard woman ( I suspect its because in her job she deals with death all the time) but in any case I needed to get over myself. As the evening continued along with conversations with her partner things turned around and we all all resumed a normal interaction, even laughing before going to bed. In the morning my daughter behaved as if nothing had happened and resumed her usual caring and attentive way, treating me with love. The rest of my stay was very pleasant and enjoyable and so I returned home. Ive tried to rationalise her nastiness as alcohol induced as I noticed she was also very prickly at times towards her partner, his mothers memory who has passed and aspects of her brother who wasn't present. But her attack on me has left deep wounds which won't seem to heal. My daughter is a lovely woman and I'm so proud of her in every way but this event is still haunting me. Now Im not posting anything on Facebook because I don't want to be judged yet again. I cant even bring myself to post anything at all. Ive since recieved a loving text from her saying how her and her partner enjoyed having me with them and hope it can be repeated next year. I dont want to discuss her outburst towards me because she is a very defensive woman and I suspect she'll just accuse me of being too sensitive or yet again making the situation all about me again thus proving she was right all along. I really don't know how to deal with my feelings over this. But of course when she next talks to me or visits I'll be my usual happy dad. Thats just my way.
Hi Geoff sorry to here about your father daughter thing I don't do facebook and don't know why we say some silly things at times alcohol time of year and missing her mum your Anne . So maybe hold back on the facebook side your daughter loves you geoff and is worried about her dad everybody hurts keep safe geoff be strong my friend
Geoff,
I would like to say ignore your daughter's rants but I can understand that it isn't possible. Alcohol induced or not it was totally wrong of her or anyone to tell you how you should be grieving or what you can or cannot write.
If it helps you to write on Facebook..Do It.
If it is the act of writing your feelings down but not necessarily posting on line.. Do that. Keep a diary and make notes to let your hurt and grief pour onto the pages.
But, whichever you choose let it be YOUR choice and not the choice of a semi drunken relative.
Look after yourself..sending you a big {{hug}}
Mym x
Hi Geoff,
Sorry to hear the problem with your daughter. Sometimes alcohol can make us say things we dont mean, im guessing your daughter is also still grieving, but you must do what feels right for you , we all grieve 8n our own way and time , and do what helps you. Its so hard losing someone of many years, the pain never goes. We all need help in some way and if Facebook helps you stay with it . Take care.
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