A Christmas message

Thank you for such wonderful words. I am so sad and missing my hubby, only 2 weeks for me. But knowing I’m not alone in this experience somehow makes it easier to get through the tough days ahead.

x

When I first lost my husband I didn't have anyone that I could talk about my feelings to yes I had family but they didn't really know what I was going through I didn't know what to expect when I joined this group but I am so glad I did ,being able to speak about my feelings and not having a time limit on grieving is such a comfort 

Tomorrow will be a tough day I am spending some time with my mum then the evening is going to be just me the dog and a large bottle of wine probably with some tears as I think about the love I have lost and will never get back 

Tomorrow is just one day and I hope we all get through it with are sanity intact xx

I was fine until today. I do keep thinking about Ric today.

Yesterday was our anniversary and I was ok. I kept busy but I did actually see the woman who had left an indiscreet txt on his phone. I was still seething and made a quick exit. I surprised myself because I could still cheerful smack her one! I haven't seen her since the funeral. 

Today feels strangely lonely. I have been with both my children and with Steve. I keep thinking how we knew last Christmas was his last but he went so suddenly only a couple of days later. I think the changes to covid rules have given me time to think..I didn't want to! 

I know tomorrow can not be that busy. It is just me and my children. I could scrub the baking trays spotless! Lol.

Hope all my friends here have an ok Christmas

Love and hugs Alison xxx

I’m with you Mel, and Alison, and bramble. We have had to unravel plan after plan to get through this first Xmas without Mark, and in the end it’s just me and one son buying our own Xmas lunch at last minute. I’ve been pointlesslybusy all day. Son has gone to catherdral service on his own..he always did it with his Dad. Last year all four of us went, but it was a big struggle for Mark. Our plan is to spend as much of the day outside as we possibly can.  I’m trying to keep a brave face for my son...he is 21....but Christmas feels horribly empty. Hang on in there chaps. xxxx

I hope you have all had peaceful days, today.

Lizzy x

Hi all,

I was dreading Christmas Day and was tearful Christmas Eve. The day itself wasn’t too bad as I was with family. But I’m now back home alone, and the house feels very quiet and empty with my darling hubby. Thank goodness for my little dog as I honestly don’t know what I’d do without her to at least talk to.

I just can’t picture all the years ahead of me without the love of my life. Being a widow at 46 was not something I ever considered.

What a strange Christmas week.. my first without my beloved husband. A week that included his birthday, our anniversary and Christmas all passing in a blur of pretence.  Pretending it wasn't happening ... wishing I could turn the clock back a couple of months and see him again.

1. I'm currently at my daughter's miles from my home in their 'bubble' but wishing I was in the bed I shared with my husband. 

Christmas day was so surreal..we got through it in a way I'm sure many of you may find strange, absurd, disrespectful even... but to those that knew my husband would know it was acceptable.  He had a place set at the head of the table, a small tin holding some of his ashes was held securely by a 'naughty elf' he even had a dinner plate and a cracker laid. And a game from the crackers included him, recognising the person he was.... 

He would of been the first to realise it was all being done as a mark of respect, of honouring him, including him with love and laughter but not the tears (they were shed in private). None of it was planned.. it kind of happened but it so suited the way Mark would want us to remember him... with love.

In private I can revert to the tears, the sadness and despair how our local nhs failed him by prioritising Covid over cancer patients ... 

New Year's Eve... will be exactly a year since diagnosis. How I wish 2021 would bring my sweetheart home to me ♡

Hi Pooka

Your Christmas day sounds perfect for you all, you should and must continue  to do whatever suits you and keeps his memory alive. I  hope that New Year's day goes as well as it can for you all.

I feel that every cancer patient has had a raw deal and will continue to do so until covid is under control. I think that its out of the nhs control and more likely government driven. Earlier this year the Midlands hospital treating my late husband divided the areas to avoid cross contamination but in the cancer centre it was obvious that there were only about a quarter of patients being seen or treated.

There was no palliative care at home and no district nurses were available to help until a couple of hours before he passed away. I dont think this is unique to cancer patients as those needing care in the community seem to be being whisked off to hospital rather than treatment at home and then these extremely vulnerable people catch covid in there.

My Mum was admitted to a nursing home in July and I've only been able to visit three times, and now the already stretched staff are having to test visitors for covid before allowing a short visit to go ahead in a "secure capsule" a process which takes over an hour for a 10 minute visit.

Something is very wrong with our healthcare system at the moment and its the patients and staff who are suffering.

Lizzy

Thanks Lizzy,

Unfortunately my husband's treatment was mis-managed so badly. I know the outcome would have eventually been the same but  maybe we would have had longer together as they promised if they hadn't cancelled his planned treatment inc. Immunotherapy due to Covid.  The cancer unit was a separate building to the main hospital so no cross contamination likely.  But they got it all cocked up from the time they lost the biopsy needle inside him!!! during the initial procedure... which never was found!  It all went downhill from there, most of it due to human error.

But that's all a long complicated story...

I hope 2021 brings us all some kind of comfort, though I'm not sure how as our grief will never leave us but maybe, just maybe we will learn to cope with it without so much rawness and pain.

x

Hello everyone, 

This was my first christmas without my lovely husband of 47 year together. I spent it with our children and grandchildren,  it was sn extremely emotional time , words can't say how much i miss him , long for him , and will always love him.

We  got through it as a family,  remembering  good times and previous christmases,  my husband loved Christmas and having all the family together so we kept the tradition for him. It was hard , I'm scared for the future,  i lost Vic in August,  but it still seems like yesterday,  this forum does helpas we can all emphasise with each other, i think unless you have lost a spouse its hard to kniw how it  feels, thankmyouball for listening.