Can't sleep

Aww bless you things happened so fast. Sebding you a hug cos we all need hugs at this sad time but can't hug any1 for real.  What you're feeling is totally nornal for your situation at the moment.  Xx

Yvie79 I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband

your reactions are completely normal. It is 8 months since my husband passed and I still have times when I feel like I don’t want to be here, but these feelings come in waves and they go. I never thought I’d still be here 8 months on. 
This pain doesn’t go but it softens a bit. I think when you’ve had such a good relationship the grief is much worse.

You will find comfort in remembering the love you shared. Like you, my husband was everything to me and we had a great life. Nothing lasts for ever and I am grateful for what we had.

You will carry on, take things at your own pace, sometimes getting through the next 5 minutes is hard and you gradually build it up and then it’s days and months.

Its very early days for you and you will be busy and have lots to sort out, at the time when it is hardest to do anything but you will do it. 
I hope you have friends and family to support you and you can always post on here, where people know just what you’re going through

Sending you love and strength xx

Hi yvie79,

Im so so sorry for your loss and know exactly how you feel as I don’t sleep all that well either.
I lost my husband (52) 13 days ago to advanced stomach cancer. We had a year together after his diagnosis which at times I think helped me to adjust, but other times was just awful to watch him slowly fade over that time.

My hubby had similar issues to yours and in particular the Ascites, in fact the morning he died he was in hospital after having a permanent drain fitted to remove yet more fluid in his abdomen. It is awful to watch the ones we love have to go through all that and my heart goes out to you.

I have times when I wish we had gone together but then I think of his two lovely kids (who I love like my own) and my baby grandson and know that need to be strong for them. Also, my husband loved our life so much and wanted to stay around forever, and as he sadly doesn’t get to do that anymore I feel I owe it to him to try and enjoy life for the two of us. It’s to do right now but I’m hopeful to one day today can do that and cherish his memory. 
Please keep posting in here and you’ll always get a reply from this great bunch who have already helped me more than they will know. I’m literally on here everyday so will look out for you.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you want to message me direct nor I’ll add you if you’re happy to.

Keeo going you will get through this, albeit bruised and battered x

Hi yvie 79

It has been 7 weeks for me since I lost my husband and best friend, from diagnosis to him passing was less than 4 weeks 

Things do get a little better all I could think about for the first few weeks  was how he looked in the end most people loose weight with cancer but neil went the other way fluid build up made him unrecognizable now I am starting to remember the person he was before the cancer i have now gone from crying all the time to when I wake up and when I go to sleepand can act normal most of the time when I am in work 

it is never the rigt time to loose someone but this time of year when all you see is couple's enjoying Christmas makes it even harder to cope 

Use this group as much as you need I found it a big help even when it was just someone just saying that they knew what you are going through 

Kate x

Sorry about the typos, useless on my phone...

It's all I see just now when I close my eyes. He just shrunk before my eyes and he became very jaundiced and the pain meds made him very confused which he hated as he's always very logical and thinks everything through. He wasn't afraid of death. He was afraid that he would linger in this stage for a while. They initially told us when he was diagnosed that we were looking at months not years, but months and not weeks. 

I just can't see any way through this. It's not that I can't live without him. I just don't want to.

I'm so sorry for your loss too. I think for us it was better not to have too much notice. He wouldn't have coped with that. We didn't have a family. We decided early on that we just wanted to be together, travel lots and that we were enough for each other. I have nothing physical left of him. I have memories of course, but I can't capture the sensation of his hand in mine, of his arms around me giving me a hug, the weight of his head as he dozed off on my lap watching tv. They are gone. My whole body aches. Thank you for responding, I'm so glad you have the family around you to keep you going and be a lovely reminder of your husband. x

For me the image's  of his last days started to fade after about 4 or 5 weeks I do think that was one of the good things for me that everything moved so fast from diagnosis to him passing not as many images to try and block out one thing that was hard for me was I took a picture of him the last day so i could show his kids before they whent in to say good by so they could prepare themselves because he had changed so much in a matter of 2 days I kept the picture on my phone for 4  weeks feeling guilty everytime I looked at it everything would go through my mind what i could of changed or was there more i should of done , then one day thought that was not the man I wanted to remember so i deleted it and it was the best thing I could of done i can now look at pictures of us both happy and healthy 

Things will get a little easier for you it will just take time 

My image in my head if my husband in his last couple of weeks as he became bed bound and then after he had passed away in hospital are fading a little already after two weeks. Instead I look at all the pictures we have in the house of happier times and my daughter and I constant talk about him which helps us.

Tomorrow is going to be tough for us all, I feel the anxiety already, so I wish you all a manageable Christmas and that we can just all get through it in one piece. I will be thinking of you all and thanks for being an amazing bunch of people x

Hi, I lost my husband yesterday as well....just  2 and a half weeks after diagnosis. It was similar for him, not any specific symptoms...bloated which also turned out to be ascites. Kidney cancer had spread extensively.

I managed to get him into the hospice yesterday lunch time and he was dead by tea time. I was with him at the end but last night couldn't get the images and sounds of the last moments of his life out of my mind.  I went back to the hospice and they explained everything again so I'm hoping these inmages will fade soon.

It is Christmas so I cant do any of the official things that need to be done.  I cant think above one hour at a time.

I am heartbroken and my life will never be the same again, I dont know how i'm going to cope either.

Thanks for reading xx