This is the first post I've made. Nine weeks ago I lost my husband of 44 years two months and twelve days to cancer. He'd been diagnosed less than three months before. To say that my life has fallen apart would be an understatement. What I am finding particularly hard is that the last ten days of his life were spent in hospital and because of the Covid situation I was unable to visit him. The only time I saw him was on two occasions when we both saw the oncologist. The first time, I was able to spend a couple of hours with him and on the second occasion, when we'd been told that the situation was terminal, I was able to spend longer with him. But eight or so hours after a lifetime together just wasn't enough. To add to this, his condition changed suddenly and I wasn't with him when he died. My mind is full of 'What ifs' and I'm finding it very hard to find answers. I know it is early days and the current situation can make some days seem very long. I am lucky to be supported by our wonderful sons and my amazing daughter in law as well as friends but none of this fills the huge gap that he has left.
This first Christmas without him is going to be so very hard. And to all of you who are in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you.
