A month today

Hi Rosstifer

I am so sorry to here about your wife, it is real early days for you and very raw. This time of the year it brings everything back, it has been 14momths for me and still raw at different moments.

You started the post, because you had to get some of it out like we all had to do when we started this journey.

Every one here knows what you are feeling we all have been there, and still do, We truly know the emotions one is feeling, we have all gone threw them at different stages.

You can say what you like, no one judges you, the emotions that you can fill you wonder where they come from and sometimes have never experienced them before our loss. You can rant, moan, shed a tear, what ever,  always some one that will come in , so you are not alone, I have family all grown up now, but i do not let them always know how i am feeling.

Glad you have found us, though sorry for the reason why. You will at some point in the distance future start to go forward, one step at a time.

Take Care Ellie x

Hi Rosstifer

I totally agree with Ellie's reply. 

Your emotions are understandably all over the place. It doesnt matter what any of us say in a post it could be one word repeated over and over again... just know that we can understand the sheer hopelessness you are feeling at this moment.  

Mym x

Hi Ellie

Thank you.  My emotions are all over the place and I'm due back at work tomorrow so that will be fun.

I am dreading Christmas this year and my sister and bro in law are adamant that I go to their's from 24th til 27th but I would rather just spend the time alone.    One of the reasons I dont want to go is due to the fact I have no interest in watching tv or having small talk but I know they mean well

I found the online community after speaking to one of MacMillans staff via a telephone call and have taken strength from reading others posts

Hi Pooka

thank you and yes it is sheer hopelessness that I am feeling............I just miss her so much, if I could trade places with her I would in a heart beat

Hi Rosstifer,

So so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are feeling and the wish to swap places. You want to magic her back into your life but know that will never happen. And you probably have days where you just want to go to sleep and not wake up. 

I lost my husband 10 days ago after a year long battle, he never gave up and at 52 was taken far too early. A similar age to your wife. We had been together for 23 years and I am heartbroken. Some days I could just shut myself away from the world but so far I haven’t done that. I allow myself a few hours of misery alone each day but then spend the rest of the time with my wonderful stepdaughter and her husband, who are also hurting in a different way.

my husband was desperate to live forever. He loved life and never wasted a moment. We did so much together and I will have those memories forever. I miss him desperately already but also realise that he no longer gets to enjoy life with me, his kids and his grandson (6 months). He can no longer enjoy a simple walk, a nice coffee and cake or an amazing holiday (we loved Cornwall and America). For this reason as hard as it is I am determined to keep going so that I can live life for then both of us, and myself and those who loved him will carry him in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

Please keep going, I didn’t know your wife at all but I’m guessing she would want you to do that. And when you’re low just come in here we are all here for you and understand the heartache and despair.

x

Hi Bramblejoo

thank you

Good morning

I called my GP to ask for an extension to my sick line as still not sleeping and a few of my chronic conditions are all flaring.  Receptionist asked how long would you like tit extended by?  My reply was I have no idea.

Hate being off "sick" as we are a small team which means my colleague's work doubles.

The strangest question isn’t it? It’s like being asked how long until you think you’ll be ‘over it’! You take as much time as you can and your colleagues will have to manage, you need to worry about yourself, work is not important right now x

My sickline was extended til end of the week as I'm then on leave til 5th January

Had a 90 min call with my Boss yesterday and it was more like 2 friends having a chat than a boss checking up on you, it does help he was a friend before he became my boss.  Anyway, I've to take as long as I need and only to come back when I am ready so that has lifted a weight off my mind

I hoep you all have a good a Christmas as you can.......I know mine will be hard going

Take care

Ross

Good to know you can at least face Christmas knowing that you dont have to worry about rushing to work.

I think for all of us it is a case of just taking the day in our stride and an hour at a time.

Take care x