Deserted by so called friends

Hi Isabel1669 7 years on seems odd that old friends would act that way. I know what you mean about needing a 'mans' help with something -even opening a jar of beetroot can be a challenge (put a marigold on!) Maybe they think you are going to steal their man or something- I guess they feel nervous about what to say.  Invite them in 2 couples at a time and reminice about the old times, go out with the  wife while the hubby does certain jobs for you. It sounds like you're going to be the one to put yourself forward here. (When we can do what we like!!)

Take care and make the first move xx

I think most people who haven't been in our situation haven't a clue what to say, do or how to treat us. So they do what most of us do and vanish into the woodwork. It's a real shame but I think it's human nature..

So my guess is it's nothing personal just human nature..

I think you are right there Mccmcc. I always tried not to ignore a bereved friend before I lost Ric but now I would make more effort to not avoid a person or avoid the subject! That is always the worst for me! 

My friends chat openly to me as I do with my best friend also widowed. 

I have given Steve a chance and we have formed a relationship. We had a very long talk and I told him how I felt. He has not lost a partner but both his parents, which I am fortunate to have, but he is happy for me to talk about Ric and Simon. Xxx

Alison I wish you luck after a wobbly start with Steve (the sleeze or not?!!!)  I hope he is kind and caring to you and your  2 children. Lotsalove xxxx

Thank you Bootsy.

He is doing well so far! I am still a little guarded though!!! 

I am still keeping some time to myself! 

Love Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

good luck  

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin

Thank you. It is going fine with Steve but my children are not happy. They are convinced that I am going to end up as things did with Ric which was not easy. I can not convince them other wise and I can see it won't work in the end because my children think I should be home all the time for them. I am trying to balance the two but it is starting to feel like too much effort and my own happiness is not important. 

They don't really get I just want company and someone to talk to and laugh with again. After all they want me here but not to actually sit with me and chat!! I suppose I am just a mum! 

How are you doing? It has been quiet here lately. I do log in still

Love Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

If i could give you a hug right now I would!

How old are your children? Do they really understand that you need a life too? You sumed it up when you said all they want is you to be there, whilst they do their own thing. Mums dont go away just because they have a new life of their own.

Please don't feel that you have to convince anyone of anything, you as we can all testify, have been through so much and life is far too short. Enjoy yourself, enjoy Steves company and remember your happiness is as important as everyone else's infact at this time probably more important 

Lizzy x

Alison.

WTF go out and have fun, make mistakes and live, what gives the kids any right to parent you!

Hi Alison 

make a new life for yourself the children will get use to it in the end it will take time you are allowed life and sounds like you really like Steve and you don’t have to live will some one to be happy and you still have your own space 

me I’m just angry the clock ticking time goes by may be I’m just lonely or scared it’s not the right time I know one day 

take care 

Martin xx