Denial

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So second day back to work after neil passed away the first day was great word has got around that I didn't want anyone to bring up me losing my husband so when I whent in today I thought it would be the same but no 3 times throughout my shift had to come up to me on the shop floor to tell me how sorry they were to hear about neil I understand they are trying to be nice but the last thing I want to do is cry in the middle of the shop

i know that it is still early days ,sometimes it sill shocks me that it is only been 3 weeks tomorrow with so much that had to be done but I have worked out that my way of coping and being able to function normally is denial ,I think because things moved so quick less than 4 weeks from finding out he had cancer to him passing and the fact we both don't like funerals so he didnt have a service mixed with the fact that in the 20 years we were together neil either worked away part of the week as a removal man or worked night's as a milkman (I think that is how the marriage worked so well no fighting over the bed sheets )it has been easy for my brain to pretend that he is not gone and is just away in London and will be back soon I don't know how long I can get away with kidding myself but I don't feel as lost that is until someone points out to me about my loss i cry for 15 minutes or so then am back to pretending nothing is wrong

Am I the only one that found this way of copping worked or is it bad for me

NellieJ over 3 years ago in reply to Akela2516

new fundraising opportunity for MacMillan - I expect a pop up or deleted from what about to say.

Advert: Are you recently bereaved or in a vulnerable state -how about joining our 0898 team offering stunned and rude responses to people who might want to make a slightly saucy phone call.... all proceeds to Macmillan.

Kate 41 over 3 years ago in reply to NellieJ

I would so want to join that team i need a bit of fun about now

mccmcc over 3 years ago in reply to Akela2516

A friend of mine ran a ladies football team and used to get old gents ringing her...

"Sometimes life is hideous, other times it's worse!"

NellieJ over 3 years ago

Kate a more serious reply - keep telling people what you need from them and what helps and what you dont need - if this can be heard and respected you might reduce being hijacked by people wanting to offer sympathy when you want to be holding it together. I was lucky that I worked in a small team and emailed every few days saying what I needed and did not need - which was really wanting to get on with work at work and if I needed to talk about it then I would start it. I think it helped people know where they stood, but I h ad to be clear. Tried also doing this with friends but it was harder - trying to have a day getting on with the practical things and a friend rings expecting me to drop everything and be upset on cue - when I was wanting to just hold my shit together - and other times when I would crave a comfort phone call and they would be busy. Everything can feel wrong and the early weeks as so turbulent. I still get cross at how people can get it wrong when the best thing they could say is nothing. One of the prize worst things said to me in the lead up to my partner dying was from a friend who said "Oh you and X you do over think things"........ or even now I dread the phrase "how are you" and have asked poeple to not say it.

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Denial