Denial

Hi Kate

You are not a lone, even though my husband had been retired for a few years,  for over thirty years he was a HGV driver.

He worked away abroad and in this country and was away a week at a time.

So after  the funeral was over i really thought he was away working, even though at times kept thinking he will be home soon been out a long while

It took me just over a year and one day it hit me i looked at his hat that he lay done last time he was here, and i just said Tom you are not coming home are you, it was like i had just accepted that he had gone, and since then i have felt a lot lighter i think i must have been in denial but did not realise.

It is still very early days for you one day at a time, and slowly they turn into weeks.

I never at the start of this journey did i think i would or could get this far, a year with out him i could and would not survive and i have passed that  one year and i have survived, but life is different in many ways.

Take Care Ellie xx

• Kate, you have gone back to work really soon after your devastating loss. I went back 7 weeks after Colin died but I'd been off for about 7 months before whilst he had chemo (pointless) radiotherapy (also pointless) then 1 more different chemo (guess what...pointless too) it was good to get a routine back and thanks to corona and social distancing no hugs were allowed. I did the same thing as you, cried a bit then put my work head on and got on with the general public moaning on!! Feckers!! (Anger)I think we all live in denial of what has happened to us for a long time.  It's really hard to accept our loved one isn't coming home anymore. You have got through your first couple of days and the first few people not ignoring your loss, there will be more- so be prepared for folk who don't even know you have lost Neil so quickly you will get by Kate, many of us have already xx

Hi Kate

I went back to work after a week and then had 3 days off for his funeral.

I found it helped when people offered there condolences. Avoiding it was worse for me. Work also helped a d to be honest 11 months on I still.need to be busy..I can't allowyself to think..

That is my individual coping strategy. We are all different. 

I think you will start to get used to the changes, take one day at a time

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi bootsyD 

Don't you just love the General public i think the manager's are just waiting for me to loose it with the first customer that decides to complain to me over something pointless think I it will be the only time i could get away with telling someone to f#*k off and I think the other staff that I work with are looking forward to me telling a customer if they don't like shopping in B&Q don't come here I think everyone that works with public have wanted to say what they think it just takes something really bad happening to you to for the chance that it could become a reality 

Kate xx

Having to wear a mask is quite ingenious really, I've mouthed f@#k off and pretty much all the swear words I know the covidiots out shopping for their 'essentials'  

I guess your workies will keep a close eye on you and be aware of how you are. Just swap heads for work and home that was my way xx

Bootsy you really are a rebel!! 

If I have put the phone down more than once today and said WTF! Just had an 84 year old telling me his sexual preferences!!! OMG do I want to know!!! 

General public are bizarre!!! Lol

Love and hugs Alison xxx

The dirty old fecker!!!! that's hilarious!!!  Have you got a 'secret' part time job with an 0898 number???  

I had a man asking for Royal Jelly products. Knowing we sell bubble bath and shower gel in that range duly went the relevant section, he said that wasn't it. Ok, do you have a picture on your phone of the said product? It's only a lubricant  and Durex don't do that one!!!!  Good job I'm a woman of the World and not some blushing 16 year old 

But what were his preferences?? Come on ffs..

Lying on his back and letting his partner do the work it seems! Lol. Mccmcc.

Honestly I couldn't believe it. I don't even think I have a sexy voice!!! 

Made me smile though

Alison xxx