It’s now eigght weeks since my husband died, whilst we knew he did not have long it still caught me my surprise and it still doesn’t feel real. I went back to work pretty quickly - I gave a very busy managerial role so there’s lot going on and it stops me thinking about stuff and everyone tells me how strong I am all that - only I’m not, I’m just hiding it from everyone, including myself.
Patrick died on my birthday, we knew it would be our special day together, and we’d got permission to have a little picnic in his room at the nursing home. His appetite was really small and we were to have salmon sandwiches and then cherry bakewells, I’d been out the day before to do the shopping, was going to finish work go home make the picnic and then be with him about 5pm.
I got a call from the home at 3pm saying I should come one early but not saying the end would be soon, I got there at 3.55, kissed him, held his hand and he went. I sat with him a while and then came home, the cherry bakewells were on the side in the kitchen so I wouldn’t forget them.
They are still there looking at me, I can’t eat them and I can’t throw them away. I don’t know what to do with them and they just sit there looking at me. I feel like I’m going mad cos I can’t deal with a box of cherry bakewells
