Online grieving - pros and cons ?

Hi NJ x 

Yes, I am finding my feet are already falling into these common pathways of yours, with the exception of the ashes in the window - I had Andy buried and visit the grave often. I don't feel he is there, but I look the part, should anyone happen to be around.

I find myself now acting the part of me - I constantly view myself in my head. It's very irritating and possibly a mental health issue, though it doesn't feel insane, just annoying. I always did it, but it stopped when I met Andy and I didn't have to be anything but myself, without thinking about it. (Actually, now I have written it down, it does seem insane!)

I had a much better day today. I went into the loft to clear it a bit, and found lots of stuff from my life before Andy. It was good to remember I did exist before he came, and I aim to get back to being that person again - I was bearable, and so was life. It will obviously never be as fantastic and wild as when we were together, but I am definitely an ok person and I think I can make it.

Of course, I will probably make myself suffer later for feeling okay now! I find that just because I know the cause of my emotions, it doesn't make them go away, I just cry, knowing why, hahaha.

I wouldn't say I am moving forward, but I am definitely not standing still.

As for being too big to share, of course it is, dear NJ. I don't want to share my grief, anyway, I like to hold it close to me and I will ease up on it when I'm good and ready, if ever!!

You do what you have to, you sound perfectly wonderful to me.

Sue

Hi NellieJ.  I dipped my toe in this forum during lockdown (my beloved man passed in January - thankfully he did not have to live through the current restrictions and I was humbled by the turnout at his funeral) but have returned as I am struggling so much as I miss him so much.  It must be so hard for my family and close friends to hear/see me struggling and they suggested I speak to like minded people, so here I am.  Not dressed, blubbing at the various threads on here, not wanting to listen to the news, frightened of the future without my rock.  Friends get on with their lives so you don’t want to depress them with your woes, so I guess I have people here  who understand the grief.  So I believe what I am saying is that there are many pros to online grieving NellieJ.  

It’s time to get showered, get on and show the outside world I am moving forward....but am I?

GrannySmith123 - Hello - I recognise your name and our death dates were near eachother. I share your feelings about how after some months people seem to be getting on with it and we / I are left feeling pain that takes us away from the world of real people - I share not wanting to burden or depress others, and whilst they may cope with a superficial sentence about it, there is so much more that is felt.  Welcome back - here for whatever you need or find useful. Take care 

Thanks NellieJ, that's kind.  Think I need this forum - people who get how I feel. 

You take care too. 

Do you know if you can find your old posts pls?)

GrannySmith123 tap on nelliej's name (ir any1)it takes you to the profile- tap more then go to activity. Hope that helps x

I have moved on Mccmcc. I have told my mum it is my life and I will just do as I want. I will keep and open mind. I have stayed friends with the guy. Not seen him but chatted. Life is too short! 

Who knows what is around the corner? Just as well we don't! 

Xxx