I miss the physical.......

Spot on! I miss her smell so much, and the bounciness of her skin, and just the fact that our sizes allowed us to fit perfectly for a cuddle, and to bury my head in her neck and so much more. Cancer had already put some space between our bodies, but she was still close even if a bit further than usually.

I try to make the most of what I have, photos, videos, but some things can't be recorded sadly.

What annoys me with the intimacy is also all the inside jokes, sayings, etc. based on a common life and common references and memories. All that is meaningless to the rest of the world and was just for us. And is lost now. I can still laugh at our jokes, transmit to my daughters part of it.

I guess that's the way forward, cherish all those memories of intimacy in every form, like a treasure of something that you have shared with your partner that no one else had, that no one even knew about. Maybe that's a good way to use all those feelings?

((hug))

Ah Devil,  hello. It's so recent for you , I see since August. We are left with it.  And I worry that I will forget. It seems hard today to remember his laugh. But I can still picture his dimples on his bum when he was in a fat phase.  And the wiry eyebrows that started sprouting out. I could catch him unawares and pull those out with my teeth.  He'd  sqeel l like a baby.  So much gets lost. I wonder if I should write these down so I don't forget.  

Woops sorry. Devin ..... my auto spell wrote  devil. Sorry..

No worries about auto correct. :D

Yes, I've been thinking about writing down everything I can. It seems like the best way to keep those memories.

Of course, writing down a laugh or a smell is not that easy! But everything that can be put into words, I think it's a great idea. 

Ah Nellie j

I too missed the physical side of things. A hug from children was reassuring but not all of it.

We did have a good sex life and I am too young to make do without. It has been a while because he was ill and gone for 10 months. 

I confess to giving in very recently with a male friend, hopefully it won't spoil our friendship and will just fulfill a need. I have no romantic feelings and I have been honest about that. He seems happy with that. This is not the usual me and don't know why I have done this as I have only had two partners in my life, my husbands! 

But then again life is too short to be miserable and I am living for today!!! 

I feel a bit naughty really!!!

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi everyone 

I think that everyone of us feels the same way obviously the level depends on individual circumstances.

What no one outside of this community appreciates is that for most of us our physical and emotional needs became superfluous the minute our partners were diagnosed. I for one felt really hurt when I was "overlooked" and on occasion felt like screaming "what about me" I need a hug here im the carer.

So speaking for myself I feel so lucky to have met Mcc and dare I say it (sorry Mcc if this is inappropriate) entered into a very fulfilling physical relationship which coupled with the way I feel about him (fallen for him big time) makes me so happy after years of stress, strain and pain.

So Alison I admire your honesty and I feel that each and everyone of us deserves happiness, fulfilment and some joy in our lives.

Nellie I hope you find someone who makes you feel whole again soon

Lizzy

Again us bereavers have needs and wants, ( Yes I got the alert!)

So Lizzy, how can I say how I feel. I had no physical sex life for over ten years but that not withstanding we enjoy a level of intimacy that is gentle and kind and extremely fullfilling.

And yes folks I have also fallen for Lizzy big time, we were going to take it slowly but I find the world a darker, colder place when she is not around.

Alison.

Good for you, I dont think enjoying another's touch is wrong even if you don't have the emotional bond Lizzy and I have..

Nellie

Things will get better as you know and you get to fish in both ponds!!

Hi Lizzy and Mccmc,

That is fantastic news and I am so pleased for you. We all need to be fulfilled and many of us are still young (ISH)! Lol.

Who knows I may well develop more feelings for him. I do really like him and I know he likes me. I am being cautious and he understands and respects that. We are both adults and will see how it all goes. I just don't want either of us to be on the rebound! 

But thank you both for your kind and non judgemental opinions. 

Love to you both xxx

You're welcome Alison, to exist after a partners death may be doing them a disservice. And to embrace life for the joy and sorrows it brings is a wonderful thing

So to find comfort with another is also a fine thing, Lizzy brings an uncomplicated non judgemental joy to my life and we have talked 'future' and to be honest if my future was with her, Id be happy beyond belief....

Hi Alison,

No one should ever judge you- "people in glass houses etc"

Whatever the outcome YOU are emerging. There is no doubt each one of us has lived in the shadow of cancer and come out the other side, we all did our best we cared for those who were sick.

My life has taken such a different path since I met Mcc and I have found true happiness. We laugh, we talk but most importantly we both listen to each other. I hope that we can enjoy many years of happiness together.

Alison you deserve true happiness and I hope that you have lots of fun finding it.

Lizzy x