Hello all,
My partner of 18 years passed away 3 weeks ago, he had SCLC.
We had a pretty rough ride through our journey with hospital stays and the like. His wish was to pass away at home which is what we were aiming for.
Unfortunately that was not to be, I nursed him up until just over 8 hours before he passed.
We got caught up in a medical emergency and he ended up being blue lighted to the hospital. Just before he passed the doctors told me that he had a nasty chest infection and sepsis and it was this that caused the crisis.
It's this crises that I'm finding so hard to deal with, his passing wasn't anything like we had planned and I could see the fear in his face. That vision is totally imprinted in my mind. We had many conversations about his last wishes and he was adamant that he wanted to pass at home with me there with him, but I just wasn't able to do that for him, one of our nurses came to see him, was concerned so she checked his obs and literally the next thing we knew was we were on the way to hospital, it all happened so quickly.
I feel like I let him down and I keep thinking about what he must have been thinking when this was all taking place, did he pass being really angry and disappointed with me? Did he understand what was happening and why?
His passing was very peaceful and calm, he literally just drifted away and the doctors and nurses caring for him were so kind, considerate and caring.
Three weeks on and I still cannot believe that he's gone and will never be coming back. I am so sad that it's not only my emotions that hurt, but my entire body aches from head to foot. I wander around the home that we shared aimlessly and just feeling totally lost and alone.
For me this is the first time that I've lost a loved one, the pain I feel is incredible.
I'm so sorry that we're all here because we've lost someone that we loved so much, but hopefully we can all share our feelings and experiences and gain a little comfort on the way, I know that I will find it helpful to be chatting to like minded people.
