Why do people just presume you are ok

Hi, 

Unfortunately people who have no such an experience, don't know the terrible pain we are felling. A doctor told me, there is no time limit on grief. It may never go away. Sadly, people are unaware of this. 

I have lost my husband over 13 months ago. Went back to work pretty early. Now I have been off work for nearly 4 weeks  due to stress, depression and anxiety. I feel, I have hit a brick wall. Have no direction in life and struggling to build a new normal. 

Try and focus on those friends, who haven't forgotten about you and your partner. Those are the true ones. 

Sending you friendly hugs

https://youtu.be/KRC_WaZt1PY

Hi exhausted17. I hope this video helps a little. I've been following Phil Quinn since losing the love of my wife Anne 13 months ago. We were married 50yrs. Ive studied these matters for over 55yrs and this guy is to me;  is the real thing.

Love and Light 

Geoff x

I think people just get on with their own lives.  After  almost 22 weeks since Colin died no one seems to realise that I re-live that day every Sunday. I hate Sundays now because I'm watching the clock all day. Having said that I don't remind any of his 4 lads of that time either.  It's all a 2 way street, even if it seems like it's always you doing the running you know you are doing your bit. You will get your own satisfaction remembering your loved one and surely they will too.  I would send a general uncomplicated text in gentle reminder like 'can't believe it's been 3 years already' without sounding sarky or nasty. Take care x 

I guess you just don't get it if you haven't been there!!! 

So I hope you were ok and I m thinking of you. 

Sending love and hugs Alison xxx

Hello Lavender thank you for your reply.  I am grateful that my partner's family are still here for me so that's comforting. I am sorry you are having a hard time trying to get through going back to work.  I had over a year off when I lost my partner and then found I could not return to the job I had so now do agency work which I can manage better. Hope you have support around you.  Virtual hugsx

Hello Geoff thank you for your support and video which I found helpful and then started watching another regarding dreams and signs which was very interesting! 

It is true that when I am in contact with others I try to keep a brave face and dont show emotions because I think no one wants to be around a misery do they? 

Thank you for your kind response x

Hi BootsyD thank you for your reply. Sorry to hear you are in those early stages. I well remember playing over the last day in my mind it was all I could ever see.  I can tell you that will fade in time and you will start to have happier memories but it is a long haul. Take carex

Hi Akela thank you for responding. Yes people who havent been there just dont get it!! I would not wish it o  my worst enemy. I have got through another anniversary .....more alone so that is a positive perhaps. Thank you x

Hello, this thread is really helpful.  I am at 28 weeks or 6 and  half months.  I seem to have withdrawn from friends, no one has lost a partner and I feel so out of step and just dont want to listen to them saying things that are not helpful. 

The best question I had from  someone  was "how are you managing other people", otherwise I would rather not listen to friends. 

I feel this big separation from me in the world of friends that carries on and the little world that was me and my partner.   I tell people I feel out of step and keeping to myself (away from them) as they say things like "oh we understand" but the go one to either tell me how I am feeling, give advice or bombard me with questions.   

There feels like so much you cant talk to people who have not lost a partner about.  It is hard to know that this will continue and continue. ......

The change in season has knocked me sideways. It was this time of year that my partner started getting really ill and the change to autumn was always something I loved and we would go away in the uk somewhere with a log fire.    Someone recently posted in this group a poster saying I have a 100% success rate of getting through tough days.  I really liked that.   

Am off to have video work meetings with people in my team who all go on about their husbands........hmm, 

Hello Nettie sorry you are feeling that you cannot relate to friends and feel the need to withdraw. I have very little family so rely on friends so much since my soul mate was taken from me. But this year I have been hurt by the lack of acknowledgement of the date of his passing even just a text would have sufficed. Yes the seasonal change is also a marker for me

 Used to love September as a month and we often had a week away mid September in Cornwall so losing partner in September has really changed things

 Hope that you can identify at least one person or like me- have dogs that provide some comfort xx people often let you down but an animal won't! X