Lost my husband four days ago

Its very raw those first few days Bill dird 3 months ago and Im in a different place now than I was then .I have what I call waves of grief when I will be overwhelmed by some trigger usually music but also walking past the mens clothes in Matalan !! A lot of grief is very personal to each individual but the common thread is not knowing where your place is anymore and as you say a fear of what the future will bring .Those first few days I felt most at ease with my two 6 year old grandsons.They were very matter of fact about Grandad Billy and talk about him very naturally .I dont think anyone can appreciate what we are going through unless they have been there themselves its just too horrible for people to contemplate and they dont want to upset you they think by talking about it  However I love talking about Billy and still talk to him we both had a wicked sense of humour quite black at times we were both ex military R.A F .So I do still comment on t.v programmes and things that have happened.Also the lockdown and restrictions are playing a part in the grieving process we would have maybe had distractions to help us along .Instead we are facing it headlong and I think its much more intense because of that .As for not wanting to do very much thats very understandable the  emotional upheaval and feelings are taking a lot of your energy and if you are like me I couldnt sleep at all for sometime after Bill died .Its a bit better now but not great .Anyway Im glad you find comfort on here we are all surviving and  hopefully will be able to move forward at some point even if that is a long and difficult road .Lots of hugs x

Hi Granny Sue, thank you so much for your reply,  it does help to hear from others going through the same thing even though grieving is different for us all. I just hope in time i  can feel able to enjoy my lovely grandchildren again,  ive gone from having the youngest ones here all the time, my daughter and boys were with us all through lockdown as she helped look after her dad,to not being able to cope at this time, as you say its early days, but at the moment i cant see things improving,  i feel so so lost .

Lost , but not alone - this forum is here and fellow travellers with you. The upheaval and turbulance is just horrible and different for partners than other family. 

Very true NellieJ.   Bluebell53 I haven’t been here long, but I have found comfort talking to people about my grief.  Take care.  Peter 

Thank you Nelliej,  yes it does help to speak with others going through similar feelings.

Thank you, yes i to have found comfort in this group.