Am I married

Oh Owl

I do not look to far ahead, my ring i have not taken that of as yet, will i i cannot answer that, my name to be honest some thing i have never thought of.  I get told get a new life, do i want one i do not know, he was my life.

So many questions and i do not have the answer. Things that i never ever dreamed i would have to ever consider.

This is such a hard journey, never in a million years can you explain any of it to any one, unless hey have experienced it 

I have cried more times this week than what i did at the start i am coming up to eleven months i cannot believe it.

Scream  at what ever you want, you only have your self to answer to.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi Owl58,

I still feel married and wear my rings. I am coming to about 8 months. I don't plan to take them off. I did think about changing my name because it is one of those names people can't pronounce or spell but then I change my mind, it is a lot of hassle to change it..

The ring also keeps other men away for now! I am not ready to be approached, nor to I want to be. Ric also took a lot of time in choosing my rings and bought me lots of my favourite tanzanite. 

So whilst I am moving forward in some ways, I am no where near ready in other ways..I am missing him tonight. I have had a good sort out today, I haven't thrown anything of his but I am making it mine so maybe feeling a little guilty. Also lots of memories found. 

You must do what you feel is right. It is you that counts and what is right for me is not right for you.

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi, 

im still married in my heart. As for the rings for years i didnt wear my ring because of my job. I wore it for the funeral and kept it on until the new year. As for my name its linked to all the achievements i made when married so i wont revert to my born name. I too want to howl at the moon but try to do that when im on a deserted beach. I think in a town they might cart me away. Only you know what is right over the rings and name

I have worn Colins wedding ring under mine since he died on 5 April. I don't intend to ever take it off. Like Akela said,  it is a deterrent to other blokes and it also makes me feel he is close to me. I couldn't wait to marry him 20 years ago. My ex husband married me even though he'd been seeing someone else  for 3 years and destroyed my faith in men- Colin gave me that love and trust back.  I hate being termed as a widow- surely that should be if you are so much older than 57. 

He would  laugh at the fact that I  'kiss his ring' everyday   something I would never normally do in real life   I will keep his name though, he did me no wrong (unlike the 1st one)  Honey I muss you sooooo much xxx

Thank you everyone. It is lovely that you all understand exactly how I feel. Well I feel better and will get on with another day. 

Hi to everyone in this discussion, it is a little over two years since I last Paul and I have never taken my rings off and never seen myself as no longer being married. The fact that this cruel disease has taken him from me doesn't mean that I am no longer married to him. But of course that is only how I feel and there is this different for everybody. Love, Melanie.

Hi Melanie.  I too wear my wedding ring, since Lynn was the love of my life who can never be replaced.  This also reminds me of my wedding day, the happiest day of my life.   This is my personal choice, but everyone is different.  Peter 

For those of you who treasured your partner's why not keep wearing your rings?

I took mine off after a couple of months and replaced it with a new safety net, my grandmother's engagement ring. My wedding ring was a symbol of ownership not given out of love. Without it I'm free.

However - 

When my Mum fell over recently her hand swelled up and I knew I had to take my step dads wedding ring off her finger quickly incase it got cut off. She'd worn it constantly on the finger next to hers since the day he passed away - keeping him exactly where she needed him to be alongside her. To lose it would have been devastating for her.

I agree that the term Widow/Widower is a dreadful label but for any age .... Feels like we should be boxed up, put on the shelf and left there! If you still feel married then you are, why should someone else or something change that status.

Lizzy

All I could add is be you..

I have seen so many faces of bereavement here, and the path we tread is the same one, we just enter the path in different places.

You decide what you do, you make the decisions there is no "right" way to deal, fail, cope, exist with this....

However from my own experience there can be a bright future!

Agree the word widow/widower is uncomfortable. I got caught out having to fill in a form which included status. I didn't want to tick widow, or single - I wanted a box that just said Alone.  After the funeral I bought myself a ring which I sometimes wear which is jet and silver and is my tribute to loosing the relationship. I was never one for rings and bought my own for the wedding day but never generally wear anything  But now and again when I want him with me I will wear the new mourning ring. Especially if I am going somewhere that we used to go together